The Tension! The Tears! The Predictability!

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C | Grade It Now!
California Dreamin'

The narrator reminds us that there are 143 remaining finalists and there are only 23 remaining slots. Why bother learning math?

Brotha Sistah Baby! Vanessah tells us that the best part of all of this is that she and her brother started this audition togethah and then they "made it" togethah. Jackie peels his eyes away from his sister's tits long enough to agree that it's pretty crazy they're both still there. His hand is resting on her crotch, by the way. He says they've nevah, evah, evah done anything like this beforah.

Jaymes ponders for a moment what it'd be like to have a brother-and-sister team in the group. PseudoTravis seems to think that they'd "feed off each other," which they already do, but they can't show that on the air. Jaymes reminds PseudoTravis that it could also be a living hell. PseudoTravis quickly agrees with the queen.

PseudoTravis gets to make the call. Jackie answers the phone, and PseudoTravis asks to speak with Vanessa, for some reason. Vanessa sits on the kitchen counter as Jackie crouches next to her, waiting to hear what's going to happen to their love. PseudoTravis asks Vanessa how she's doing. "I'm doing awesome," she says. I hate her. PseudoTravis asks Vanessa how she feels about her audition, and Vanessa brags that she thinks she did very well, and that she's never gotten this far in an audition before. PseudoTravis invites her to the workshop. Vanessa starts screaming, and her mother screams off-camera in response. Jackie runs over to her and pulls her into his arms. He's feeling her up and eating her neck as she's screaming and talking on the phone. As she tries to finish her conversation with PseudoTravis, Jackie moves his head lower and lower until he's eating his sister out right there as his mother videotapes it. The Salvuccis make me so uncomfortable, y'all. I can't even tell you. PseudoTravis doesn't realize that the sounds of Vanessa screaming "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" aren't because she's going to the workshop, but because her brother just made her come. PseudoTravis asks to talk to Jackie. Jackie untangles himself from his sister's naughty parts and gets all macho on the phone. PseudoTravis tries to start that bullshit about lots of people and difficult decisions, and Jackie asks to just give it to him straight. PseudoTravis makes a face and then invites Jackie to L.A. as well. The Salvucci family goes nuts and immediately launches into an orgy. Jackie's fingers trace the lines of his sister's stomach in a way that sends shivers through my body as Jackie gets off the phone so he can give his undivided attention to his sister's primal cravings. Ew. Ew. Ew.

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