Popstars
The Tension! The Tears! The Predictability!

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California Dreamin'

Alexandra holds a stuffed animal, twisting its arms off, telling us that she's nervous. Her boyfriend is there, waiting to hold her when she starts bawling. Alexandra tells us that she's "so hyped." She tells us that she's got lots of fans, and that there were so many people that came up to her at the audition saying that they remembered her. Hey, Alex, did they mention the recaps? Alexandra says that if she already has fans now when she's not important, imagine how easy it will be to make her into a superstar. See the logic?

Jaymes calls, because this is the fun that's left in her life. Jaymes asks Alexandra how she thinks she did. Alexandra, always with impeccable English, says: "I, honestly? That group was a disaster. But I don't think it was my fault. I think it was more the group-effort thing." Jaymes says they auditioned many groups all across the country, and that Alexandra was the only girl who ever stopped singing in the middle of a performance. Oh, God, y'all. Behind Alexandra is a framed photo collage of Alexandra's Popstars experience. Jaymes tells Alexandra that they're not having her come to Los Angeles, and Alexandra starts crying on the phone. Jaymes says, "Well, you know. One door closes, another one opens." Just don't let this one closing hit you on the ass on your way out, Alexandra. Alexandra hugs the boy she paid to pretend to be her boyfriend for this scene as the narrator tells us that the news was hard for Alexandra to hear. "Like I said, I have fans now," Alexandra tells us. "And I'm not even famous. So I know that the person who grabs a hold of me and signs me is going to make a lot of money." She's an angel when she's delusional, isn't she? So precious. Just a wonderfully nice girl. Look what Popstars did. They went and made a superbitch.

We get a quick montage of people who have already been cut before today, for some reason, as the narrator reminds us that rejection is tough. Jaymes tells someone she's "soorry." Did anyone know she was Canadian? Is she Canadian? ["Yes, she's Canadian. Well, I assume she is, since her brother David is. She shames us all." -- Wing Chun] Wow, it so doesn't matter. Crapcock lets someone down, but they don't even give us her name as we see her cry. PseudoTravis tells some forty-year-old man that he's not coming to the workshop, but we don't catch his name, either. Oh, man. All forty and getting rejected in front of your mom? Yikes.

Your interactive poll results are in! If you got called back but your best friend didn't, 63% of you would feel "sad," 13% of you would feel "cheated," 9% of you would feel "mad," and the remaining 16% of you would feel "relieved" because obviously your best friend made you audition in the first place.

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