Popstars
The Tension! The Tears! The Predictability!

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California Dreamin'

I paused the screen that tells you the "great prizes" you can win by entering the WB contest. The grand prize is a television. First prize is a t-shirt from the WB. Wow. Absolutely nobody cares about this show, huh?

We see a montage of total and complete strangers auditioning.

Travis Barr-Longo is the man with the grandmother and the bright green pants. It's so sad that we have to see his rejection, since we knew it was coming, but he's such a nice boy I hate to see him cry. But at least now, four episodes in, we know enough about people to enjoy seeing them get cut. This show really sucks this year compared to last. Last year I could name most of the finalists by sight. This year I'm having to go and look up old recaps to get names correctly. I hate it. Travis jokes with the camera man that he wants his good side filmed, and if they film him from behind he's going to be "too much J. Lo."

"What a character," PseudoTravis says. Crapcock says that Travis is a "little too much Broadway." I think that "Broadway" is their code for "too gay." "He's a lot Broadway," PseudoTravis says, saving his phone number for later. Jaymes adds that Travis was one of the few auditioners who looked at them as he sang. Who is she kidding? She'd never ask him back. PseudoTravis says that Travis was actually performing, which most people didn't do.

Jaymes does the honors. She doesn't beat around the bush, and tells him he's not being asked to L.A.., but that they appreciated his time. Travis tells us that he's disappointed, but that this isn't the last time you'll see him. Jaymes tells us that Travis has the right attitude: "Positive. On to the next." Bye, Travis. I'll miss you. Even though we never got to know you.

I know y'all haven't been sleeping, wondering what's going to happen to Dorothy and Lian. Lian tells us she's "been on the pins and needles" since Friday. "The pins and needles"? That's like how my dad still calls it "the MTV." PseudoTravis calls Dorothy. She's sitting next to Lian. I'm going to transcribe what is said here, and you figure out what it's supposed to mean, okay? PseudoTravis: "How would you feel about the whole process, bringing you closer to fulfilling your dreams and your goals?" Dorothy: "Because we both made it to the third round I just feel like I can do anything right now and it made me very...it made me very strong." What the fuck? PseudoTravis tells Dorothy that she was at the first audition, and lots of times they'll just forget everyone at the first audition and it's not until later when they're reviewing tapes that they'll remember that someone was good, and that's how they feel about her, so they're asking her to L.A. Dorothy and Lian start feeling each other up right there. Dorothy thanks PseudoTravis profusely. PseudoTravis asks Dorothy to put Lian on the phone. Lian says she's so happy for Dorothy. PseudoTravis asks how she feels she did at her audition. Dorothy's cryptic answer: "It just reinforced how badly I want this and how badly I want to do this and like how this is such a part of me that it's something that I can't shake." PseudoTravis slowly tells her that she's also invited to Los Angeles. The screams can be felt all across America. Ow. My television has started humming. Dorothy and Lian make out all over their vinyl couch as PseudoTravis tells them to bring their boots because they're going to Popstars Boot Camp.

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