Popstars
The World Sleeps

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Boo.
Previously on Popstars: The girls all moved into their new home and then recorded their first single. We're told the entire album has to be completed in less than two months. The "Tension Music" kicks in as we see the girls auditioning for the different parts of the song. They announce their name again.

We cut to the studio, where the girls are working on another single. We're told that the girls are trying to "adjust to the pressures of living together." This is done by showing a clip of Ivette rubbing her forehead. She tells us, "It isn't always an easy thing." Oh, that smells like a new single. The girls are going to find out they have twenty-four hours to come up with a production number to perform in front of a live audience. The narrator says the audience will be composed of hundreds of television critics, and that the performance "could make or break their careers." Yes. Because the television critics have the final word on all pop groups. I remember how the New Kids totally lost album sales when TV Guide gave them a "Jeers." Tiny Squares of Girls and Fun.

The opening credits now include verses from the song, and not just the "oh"s. That means the opening credits (there are no names, only flashing photos) are now even longer.

Apparently six weeks have passed since the girls moved into the studio. Oh, I guess we won't get to see any of the conflicts from that time. Now they just live together and everyone's happy. Great. What kind of reality show is this? We're introduced to the producer, Chris Farren, who worked with 98˚, so you know these girls are with the best of the best. Farren kind of looks like an exhausted Chris Elliott, who already looks pretty exhausted at all times. He tells the girls that he wants to spend "a minute or two" on the bridge of the new song, and then move on from there. As Ivette practices "You Know I Can" in the studio, she split-screens to tell us that you can practice as much as you want, but you could still end up sucking behind the microphone.

Cut to Nicole having an orgasm behind her microphone. In a split screen she tells us she's never done anything like this before. Farren laughs and stops Nicole's moaning. "Great! Let's go again. Nothing to say. Just keep doing that." She's going to hear those four sentences a lot in life, I think.

We flash through the other girls singing. Rosanna hits a note that causes Farren's spine to arch up like a cat in heat. Because there's nothing interesting or entertaining about this show anymore, we're forced to just watch the levels go up and down on the mixer.

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