Are You There, God? It's Me, Ann-Margret

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C | Grade It Now!
In heaven, there are skateboards for everyone!

Okay, so Brooke and Harrison are just hanging out in the halls of the hospital. He has cancer. She has an eating disorder, and they just happen to be on the exact same floor of this mammoth hospital. Happens all the time, I'm sure. And speaking of realism, Harrison is just totally over the fact that Brooke stood up in front of entire school and accused him of doing drugs. After all, it was two whole episodes ago, no need to hold a grudge or anything. I guess time just goes by faster for the Kennedy gang. Why, in just an episode, Harrison's love for Mary Cherry is but a footnote. She doesn't visit. He doesn't care. She's not even in this episode. [sound of all of my readers groaning and deciding not to read the rest of this recap]

Brooke has "unwashed" hair and wears a "sick outfit" consisting of a grey snowflake sweater, a black body suit, and a jaunty blue scarf. She's totally stylin' in a really severe Pennsylvania way. It's like she's got this Helga thing going on. Seriously, I can just see Andrew Wyeth doing a tempura-on-wood painting entitled "Girl With Eating Disorder." Anyway, she's all, "Sugar said you got stuck with some religious freak." Harrison protests that his Christian roommate Clarence is the coolest guy he ever met. We're going to have to take his word for it, because there's nothing in this episode that establishes why Clarence is supposed to be cool when, in the last episode, he was bugging the shit out of Harrison up until a few moments before he got really sick and had to be removed from Harrison's room. I guess they had "cool time" together sometime between his being pulled from Harrison's room and the present moment. Anyway, Harrison tells Brooke that he can't find Clarence anywhere because they've got him in one of these ICU rooms. He pushes the elevator button so he can go look for Clarence some more. They exchange niceties, and Harrison kind of does one of those "chuckling at the irony of this chance encounter" a la James Van Der Beek. Oh yeah, and Brooke lets him know that April Tuna is president by default. Go April!! So they give each other the Vulcan handshake in honor of April Tuna and part ways. But there's a lot of this looking back at each other and stuff like they're setting up some sort of love interest thing. Oh, what will Sam think? Who cares?

Miss Ross is back! Yay! I'm not even sure why I'm glad, but I just am. It's so nice to see a teacher in this school besides Chem. Speaking of Chem, she's not in this episode either. Anyway, I guess Miss Ross is now teaching a drama class, or she's just making her Sassy Black Female Thought For White Teens II class do a performance of Equus. So Miss Ross goes off on Equus and asks the class, "When does passion become a liability?" Sugar Daddy, back from eating-disorder sleepaway camp and looking the same weight he was when he left, brings up the fact that there's nudity in the play. Miss Ross goes off some more on how the play is all about the evils of repression and how it takes stamina, imagination, and grace to be an actor in this play. Meanwhile, Josh is snoozing next to Lily, who keeps trying to wake him up, and his mullet is getting more and more pronounced.

Oh, and the guest stars are listed: I guess Harrison will indeed find where they moved Clarence, because Mike Damus's name appears. Carmen's mom is back too, 'cause there's Susan Ruttan's name. Adria Dawn is listed, so you know April Tuna is going to be there. No mention of Ann-Margret, though, although we know she's in this episode. Stop being coy, creditmeister!

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