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Coup The Bitch is back! Long may she reign!


Chem's class. Something tells me this is going to be a good episode by the way the class is watching a movie in the dark while they eat popcorn. The film is a documentary about the praying mantis, and Chem and her class are sharing a rare moment of solidarity in their fascination for the sexual tendencies of the female mantis. Okay, it's yet another obvious Chemistry lesson to set up the theme of the episode (and it's not even Chemistry but, in fact, Biology) but I really appreciate that it doesn't involve Chem just barking at everyone…because barking is wacky like that. As the mating rituals are described, -- the female mantis rips off the head of the male mantis after intercourse -- the girls in the class, even bleeding heart Lily, get totally stoked. Meanwhile, the men go inward, worrying about the future of their genitals. Men are from Mars, women are from a vicious planet filled with man-eating vultures. At last, we all know the score. Chem asks Sam where Brooke is. Sam makes an oblique statement about Brooke being in trouble. The film ends, and Chem turns on the lights and starts lecturing them on what a shame it was that although Mantis society is one of the few female dominated cultures, it's only thanks to "sexualized ambition" that the females get anywhere. Nicole raises her hand to disagree with Chem's "pretzel logic" and points to herself as an example of a young woman who is breaking through that "glass ceiling." Uh, does Nicole even have a job? Chem points out to Nicole that now that she's been kicked off the Glamazons, she no longer has power at this school. The rest of the class chuckles in agreement. "I bet you never get that power back," says Chem. Oh this is a sad, sad moment for Nicole. "I bet you I do," says Nicole. "I don't need sex to get power, I'm a…" Chem cuts her off before she can finish. "Blah blah blah blah blah. You're a teen mantis." The class chuckles knowingly at Chem's assessment of Nicole again. Chem announces the next movie, which is Female Trouble by John Waters. "Miss Julian, you may want to pay special attention," says Chem. "There's meaning in this flick." Hee! Not that I really know what that means. I guess it's a warning since the female heroine, a praying mantis in her own right, gets executed in the end. Female Trouble contains one of my favorite lines in a movie ever. It's when that student in Dawn's (Divine) class is all, "Mr. Weinberger! Dawn Davenport is eating a meatball sandwich in class and she's passing notes!" Cracks me up each time. How long before Carmen Ferrera is busted for eating Pringles in class?

Principal Calvin Krupps' office. April Tuna, class president, Gus Latrine, her vice president, and that wheelchair-bound Alfalfa-esque guy that was shown briefly in "Style and Substance Abuse" LINKIT during the debate (I didn't mention him in the recap), are meeting with Krupps. An extracurricular activity needs to be cut and April is the one who has to "pull the trigger." April has this lesbian soccer mom look going on. That's the only way I can describe it. She's wearing one of those ski parkas that's cut in a sporty yet matronly way -- the kind of thing you see a Boulder, Colorado housewife like Patsy Ramsey wearing to the supermarket. An American-flag-themed scarf adorns her neck. She also has her hair pulled back in a Hillary Clinton-esque headband, but then it poufs out the back in this really strange helmet type way. I am in love with her all over again. Anyway, she's being one of those stereotypical women in charge who can't make decisions because doesn't want to let anyone down. You know how there's that Carol Gilligan theory that women make better businesspeople because they have the gift of empathy? Hi, anyone who has had a job in the United States can tell you that, in fact, women are good businesspeople because they can be just as power-hungry and aggressive as their male co-workers. People in charge who can't make decisions can be as empathetic as they want, but it's not going to make them better businesspeople -- unless they want to be teachers or social workers. "I can't pull the trigger of this Russian Roulette power play," she moans. "What she's trying to say," says Gus Latrine, "is that she doesn't have the cojones to cut one club." Principal Hall points out to April that being class president "isn't all book fairs and bake sales." Nicole bursts in, refers to April as "Hair pie" and demands to be made a Glamazon again. Principal Krupps turns her down. "I smell a slut in the room," says Gus Latrine. "Shut up, My Left Foot," says Nicole. Hee! Krupps calls her a "teen mantis" for the second time that day and tells her to get out of the room while they're talking about important school business. "Yeah," says Gus Latrine. "Wait outside 'til the mens are done." April looks down at the ground at the mention of "the mens." Nicole exits but she eavesdrops from the waiting room. Krupps mentions that the decision to cut a club must be made by the student council. April Tuna whines that "killing extracurriculars is not in my feminine nature. I'm a gatherer and a nest builder." Hee! Krupps wants her decision by Friday. "Don't worry," says Gus Latrine. "I'll make up her mind for her." Nicole smirks outside because has a plan.

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