No Face Time tonight, but tonight's season finale is brought to you by 7-Up.
Chem class. A wedding shower is taking place right before class begins for Lily and Josh. I mean, it's the season finale. Why build a set for an appropriate place to have a wedding shower or anything when you can do it in the middle of class? It's not like anyone has to learn chemistry or anything. Harrison gives them a book called Marriage for Dingbats. If I had to write a book advising dingbats to marry, my book would consist of one word: don't. Okay, maybe there'd be another chapter saying something like, "Well, if you have to, please be really really diligent about using birth control," but that's pretty much it. Carmen gives them a non-food related gift: a Slosh and Slide. "It's just what we needed," says Lily. "As we who have nothing set up house." Life is rough for you, baby. We. Get. It. The bell rings, and Chem starts class, congratulating Sam and Brooke for delivering Jane's baby themselves. Everyone applauds, and Chem finally makes a long overdue Gone with the Wind reference by calling them "Teen Prissys" but fails to take advantage of the comic potential of Brooke's coincidental last name and mention Butterfly McQueen, the actress who played Prissy. C'mon, it's right there on a platter! Take it! Do I have to do everything? Chem goes on to congratulate Lily and Josh on getting married and "ruining the rest of their lives." Word!
But Chem's wackiness doesn't stop there. No! Tonight's the season finale! Chem will be extra wacky tonight. In fact, Chem's wackiness will come piping hot to your door with a breadstick crust and your choice of three dipping sauces, "ranch," "marinara," and "right-wing hysteria." She announces that she's the chaperone of the Junior Prom, and she has to meet with every single couple so that she can go over her "dance party rules." She starts making appointments with her students, but no one is planning to go to prom. Josh and Lily are "saving up for Tupperware." Sam and George have broken up. Harrison and Nicole don't have dates. That still leaves Mary Cherry, Sugar, and Carmen but for some reason Chem doesn't even go there. Instead, she vows to spend the evening cuddled up on the couch with a "near beer and a sweeps episode of Providence." Heh! Oh, and Chem announces that she's renting out her basement apartment. And no, we never find out what ever happened to Nurse Jessie, who used to live in that very house.