On the flip side, there’s the Cherry family. Mary Cherry sulks into the limo with her mom and apologizes for not winning. Cherry Cherry: "Those are the breaks, sugar-booger. They always give it to a pretty girl." Hee hee. (Did you know that "booger sugar" is another term for cocaine? I learned that from Mojo Nixon. And I’m proud to pass that wisdom along.) Cherry Cherry tells her little girl that there was one time when she didn’t win a pageant either. "Do you know what I did, Mary Cherry?" "You shot ’em, mama?" Heeeeeee hee hee! No, Cherry Cherry didn’t shoot the judges; she went out and bought herself a crown of her own instead. Figuring MC was going to be a loser, she brought it along as a consolation prize. MC tears up, turns on her dress, and happily puts on the crown. Ain’t love grand?
Awww yeah. Brooke McQueen wears her tiara into the bathroom, then offers it to Sam. Um, thanks, dumbass, what a way to start a conversation: "Hi. I won something. You didn’t. Do you want to try on the thing that I won so that you can feel even more acutely that you didn’t win it?" Fortunately for Brooke, Sam doesn’t seem half as insulted by this as I do, and they strike up a little truce. And they agree to flip a coin for the sink each week. See, because they both have to get used to being the princess around the house. Get it? Sam puts on the crown when Brooke leaves the room, and the credits roll. (If anyone can figure out who sings that sweet little "Homecoming Queen" song at the end, the one that sounds suspiciously like the Flaming Lips, please let me know, because it gave me the shivers a little bit.)