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The Brain Game

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Gustave: B- | Grade It Now!
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Some Heads Are Bigger Than Others

Chem's class. Chem admires a stack of large bills in her possession, shares a wink with Mary Cherry, and announces that thanks to her overwhelming sense of school spirit and "a sudden appreciation for Mary Cherry's intellectual ability," she has decided to be the faculty sponsor for the Kennedy's Big Head Challenge team. She explains that there are five spots on the team, and two are already taken by Nicole and Mary Cherry. The class rolls their eyes over the blatant travesty that is Mary Cherry's captainship, and there are no takers for the remaining three spots. Chem takes attendance. To everyone's surprise, Cherry Cherry's name is called. Delta Burke as Cherry Cherry enters -- her hair as big as Texas -- and announces her presence. I daresay she's sporting a Texan-housewife mullet. She explains that her SAT scores came back to haunt her while applying for membership at a local country club. "Scoring less than fifty points on that test can ruin you socially," she says. Sam points out to her that you get two hundred points for spelling your name right. "I panicked!" explains Cherry Cherry. A flashback illustrates an embarrassing experience she had applying for a country-club membership. Her application is being evaluated by none other than Jm J Bullock and the other two Teen Tartz judges, who sit in front of her behind yet another table in yet another hotel conference room with one of those decanters of coffee in front of them. They look her over from head to toe -- she looks boss in a navy blue Stetson and a purple suede coat trimmed with lilac fur -- and discuss her shoes. "Ms. Cherry?" says Jm. "It seems somebody only got a total score of 50 on their SATs." "You're just not country club material," says the earnest and avuncular black judge. Cherry Cherry vows to take the test again in a week and break a hundred. "I plan on proving that there's nothing that can't be accomplished with perseverance and lots of cash," says Delta Burke. "So get teaching, Bobbie!" she commands.

Cafeteria -- which they've totally given up on as a set these days. It's really just a blue backdrop with a single table placed in front of it with some background noise. Not a single extra. Harrison sits studying for the SATs. Josh enters and sits down. He's freaked about the SATs, having heard Cherry Cherry's story, and he's worried Lily will dump him if he gets a low score. "I mean maybe it's not enough that I'm hot," says Josh. Okay, since when has anyone dumped anyone over the SATs, and since when has Lily become Miss Academic Standards 2001? Furthermore, Josh is a jock who is involved in the theater -- not to mention his involvement in That Gay Club That Lily Started A Few Episodes Ago That Hasn't Been Seen Or Heard From Since. Admissions people love well-rounded people like that, and I'm sure there are plenty of perfectly fine schools that would overlook a low set of scores in favor of an otherwise impressive application. I mean, it's not like he's counting on going to MIT. Harrison asks Josh what section of the SATs he's having problems with. Josh says, "The answers." Geddit? Josh is just that dumb. Har dee har har. And I just wanted to interject here that, in addition to being annoyed at such a weak plot line, I am really getting sick of having to type capital S, capital A, and capital T over and over again. I know I should design a macro but how pathetic is that? Harrison suggests that there's a way for Josh to study for the SAT and impress Lily at the same time: join the Kennedy Big Head Challenge team.

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