They take their plan to Vice Principal Calvin Krupps, who muses over the meaning of "True" by Spandau Ballet, and reminisces about slow-dancing to it at frat parties. Meanwhile Mary Cherry and Chem show off their "real" tears and angle for Friday off. "We're overwhelmed!" says Mary Cherry. "Well, then there's only one thing to do," says Calvin as violins shimmy in the background ominously. "Call in a grief counselor."
Chem's classroom. "Grieve!" shrieks the new grief counselor, as everyone jumps in their seats. The grief counselor, whose name is Calamity Jones, is played by none other than Conchata Ferrell. Conchata rocks! She's a total HITG who is always playing the fat gruff nurse, the fat gruff social worker, or that fat next-door neighbor you don't try to fuck with. How could I have not seen a guest appearance by Conchata Ferrell coming from eighteen miles away? Brilliant! She starts taunting everyone into shedding some tears. Chem interrupts her and asks her to take her "dog and pony show" to The Learning Annex. Calamity gives Chem her credentials, which include getting Andrew Ridgeley over the break-up of Wham!. Mary Cherry asks if they can have the day off. Calamity gives her an armband. Then she advises Josh to work through his grief by starting an eighties-style tribute band that covers artists like Winger or White Snake. Josh asks her why she'd suggest such a thing. "Because you've got a mullet!" she snaps. The class laughs and Lily, whose Holly Golightly blond streaks are slowly taking over her whole head, looks truly horrified.
Calamity tells them that their laughter indicates that they haven't dealt adequately with the death of April Tuna and are still in the first stage of grief, otherwise known as denial. She also makes some veiled remark about no one in the room being responsible for April's death. This makes Mary Cherry, Carmen, and Brooke give each other knowing looks filled with remorse. She explains her stages of grief: denial, anger, acceptance, and healing. In other words, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's steps, but with "healing" substituted for "bargaining" and "depression." She announces that she'll be posting a sign-up sheet outside of her office for those Kennedy students who are still haunted by April Tuna's death. "Let the grieving begin!" shrieks Calamity.