The News Of My Death Has Been Greatly Exaggerated

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B | Grade It Now!
Tuna 69

Something's different about this episode. For one thing, it opens with an exterior shot -- and not one of those one-time-only expository shots either. This one features a car on a road and everything. Furthermore, the truce struck between Lily and Mary Cherry during the last episode has not been swept under the rug as these things so often are. Lily is driving her to school along with Carmen, Brooke, and Sam because Mary Cherry crashed her car into Bijan of Beverly Hills -- as if Mary Cherry wasn't already the love of my life or anything. Someone has farted. Brooke blames Mary Cherry. Mary Cherry blames Carmen -- you know, all that air she consumes along with those Pringles. And speaking of Carmen, how fat can she actually be if there's room in the backseat of this compact sedan for her, Mary Cherry, and Brooke with space left over for their demonstrative hand gestures? I think my sister and I might have sat together comfortably in the back of one of these things fifteen years ago when we both weighed a grand total of 160 lbs.

Sam -- apropos of nothing -- makes a speech about how great her life is because she's got a boyfriend and Harrison is in full recovery. No one asked you, Sam. Lily -- apropos of nothing other than the fact that Sam felt like sharing -- gives herself a high five for driving an electric car which doesn't pollute the environment -- not that any explanation is given as to how she can afford to buy a used moped, let alone a brand-new car. Carmen makes a crack about Mary Cherry polluting the environment with her own personal methane. Everyone laughs and accuses each other of cutting the cheese until "Rapper's Delight" comes on the radio and they all start singing along. I daresay they are giving us some major group chemistry, the likes of which we haven't seen since the end of Caged. When it comes to Popular, I am made of stone, but even I have to admit that they are all being so damn cute right now.

So then it's no surprise that the mirthful moment is interrupted by tragedy. They drive past a totaled car that has plowed into a tree. Is that a shout-out to Jason Priestley or Matthew Perry? Or are they being really old-school and making a Kelsey Grammer reference? The girls stop and watch the EMTs drag a covered dead body from the wreckage. The camera sweeps over the license plate number of the car. It's a vanity plate that says "Tuna 69." "I regret that I never got a chance to say goodbye to April Tuna," says Sam, as it starts to rain and the girls collapse into tears. Sam? April's friggin' twin sister died last season and you never said a word about that, so please shut your trap.

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