Kennedy Hallway. Harrison and Josh discuss the death of April Tuna. "I'm never speeding again," says Josh, running his fingers through his newly mulletastic Simon Le Bon-esque hairdo. Harrison is all, "Are you growing a mullet?" Josh is all, "No way, man!" Harrison continues to muse over how fleeting life can be. Josh is not paying attention. He's still ruminating over the mullet comment. I'm not paying attention either because Harrison has been contemplating life's fleeting-ness in every goddamn episode since last November. Not that I know why, since I have no memory of what life-altering experience Harrison just went through or who this Clarence person is that they're not talking about. Harrison, who is obsessed with the details of April's fatal accident, tells Josh that Sam told him that when April Tuna was pulled from the wreckage, she was wearing capped sleeves.
Josh, in another scene in another part of the hallway, obviously misheard Harrison, because he tells Emory Dick that April was "de-cap-itated." Emory is all, "Oh my God," and then asks Josh if he's growing a mullet. Josh denies it. "I can't believe that the fire pie is gone," says Emory Dick. "And missing a head -- like a Pez dispenser at a garage sale." Hee! "I don't know which I'm more upset over. Your mullet or April's demise. Both are sad but true." Mary Cherry walks by. Upon hearing Emory Dick say the word true, she hightails it to the Novak to tell Brooke and Sam that Spandau Ballet's "True" was playing in April Tuna's car when the car hit the tree. Hello? Was that a shout-out to my favorite cheesy eighties pop hit? Sam and Brooke are horrified by this touching detail. "We were there and we didn't even notice that?" says Sam. "This just proves that we need Friday off!" says Mary Cherry, grinning mischievously into the camera.
Another scene, another part of the hallway. "So what you're saying," says Chem to Mary Cherry, "is that you want me to lie about the death of a student we all sadly overlooked, be in denial about my true lack of feelings and pretend we can't function so we can all get Friday off?" "Um…yeah," says Mary Cherry. "I'm on it," says Chem. Hee!
They take their plan to Vice Principal Calvin Krupps, who muses over the meaning of "True" by Spandau Ballet, and reminisces about slow-dancing to it at frat parties. Meanwhile Mary Cherry and Chem show off their "real" tears and angle for Friday off. "We're overwhelmed!" says Mary Cherry. "Well, then there's only one thing to do," says Calvin as violins shimmy in the background ominously. "Call in a grief counselor."
Chem's classroom. "Grieve!" shrieks the new grief counselor, as everyone jumps in their seats. The grief counselor, whose name is Calamity Jones, is played by none other than Conchata Ferrell. Conchata rocks! She's a total HITG who is always playing the fat gruff nurse, the fat gruff social worker, or that fat next-door neighbor you don't try to fuck with. How could I have not seen a guest appearance by Conchata Ferrell coming from eighteen miles away? Brilliant! She starts taunting everyone into shedding some tears. Chem interrupts her and asks her to take her "dog and pony show" to The Learning Annex. Calamity gives Chem her credentials, which include getting Andrew Ridgeley over the break-up of Wham!. Mary Cherry asks if they can have the day off. Calamity gives her an armband. Then she advises Josh to work through his grief by starting an eighties-style tribute band that covers artists like Winger or White Snake. Josh asks her why she'd suggest such a thing. "Because you've got a mullet!" she snaps. The class laughs and Lily, whose Holly Golightly blond streaks are slowly taking over her whole head, looks truly horrified.