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The News Of My Death Has Been Greatly Exaggerated

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Tuna 69

Elsewhere in the cafeteria, Sam and Harrison. Whatever. She brings up the email. Whatever. He pretends he was joking. Whatever. Finally, he breaks down and admits to writing her something he never meant to send, cleaning it out of his email account one day and hitting send by accident. He still is in love with her, he tells her, and Sam gets all angry at him and reminds him she's with George. Big whatever. "You've just ruined a wonderful friendship!" says Sam before she stomps off. Is it purely an effect of her eye make-up, or does Carly Pope have a lazy eye?

Calamity's office. Lily and Josh sit before Calamity, who is focused on a bottle of prescription medication in front of her. "Thank you for interrupting your lunch to see us," says Lily. Am I paranoid, or does it in fact seem like, every time the need to eat is mentioned, it's a "fat" cast member at the center of it all? Lily tells Calamity about how she and Josh feel horrible about April's death, since they'd turned her down for "love plus one." Like, who the hell refers to three-ways as "love plus one" besides Haircut One Hundred? But then I guess that's the point, since this episode is so preoccupied with the eighties.

A flashback reveals April Tuna approaching Lily and Josh at lunch and asking them if she could join them in a menage. And she's so cute and nasty about it! "April," says Lily, a picture of piousness. "That's inappropriate!" "Does she use five-syllable words like that in bed?" says April to Josh. "What's New Pussycat" by Tom Jones plays in the background as a montage sequence rolls of April stalking Lily and Josh like a wildcat. She keeps joining them uninvited at lunch and being inappropriately seductive. Hey, what ever happened to booty camp, Lily? Shouldn't you be putting an end to sexual harassment?

Back in reality, Lily expresses deep regret that she didn't see the longing for human companionship underneath the inappropriate displays of sexuality, and used April's weirdness as an excuse not to get close. She decides right then and there to set up cans in the cafeteria accepting donations for the April Tuna Scholarship. People who feel bad about ignoring her when she was alive can atone financially. Whatever. Josh disagrees with Lily's plan: "People like April are freaks and there's no way you can protect them from the real world." Lily blames his insensitivity on his new mullet, since "it is after all the hairstyle of the Cro-Magnon man!" Josh is all, "Lay off the mullet," as Lily exits to go raise some consciousness. Calamity sits at her desk, doing something that could easily be seen as either laughing or crying while she arranges her pills on her desk to spell "T-U-N-A." Why doesn't this woman have her own series?

Kennedy hallway. Nicole approaches Harrison at the water fountain, lets him have it for dissing her in an email, and threatens to expose his ill will to the school when she delivers April Tuna's eulogy. Harrison tries to reason with her, but it is no use. Nicole is on the warpath. Okay, what's with the warning? Didn't Nicole advise Emory Dick's little sisters to "surprise the enemy" as advocated by Sun Tzu? Or is this just the set up for a change of heart? Gosh, I can't imagine that happening.

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