The News Of My Death Has Been Greatly Exaggerated

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B | Grade It Now!
Tuna 69

Emory Dick speaks. He recalls his fondest memory of April. A flashback shows April approaching Emory Dick in the hall and inviting him to meet her in the janitor's closet for some "froo-tage." Emory is paralyzed, not knowing what "froo-tage" is exactly. "Hey Dick," says April, on yet another day, waiting for a response. "Did you happen to see the front page of the I'm Horny News? It says, I'm gonna get me some froo-tage this afternoon! Be there!" Emory expresses regret at never going to meet April and getting some froo-tage. Mary Cherry winks conspiratorially at him while Chem licks her lips. He wishes April Godspeed.

Nicole takes the podium, wearing a necklace with a pendant that reads "Bitch" in gold lettering. She reads Harrison's blistering email to everyone, but doesn't identify him by name, "because what this person wrote is true." Nicole then proceeds to bare her soul to Kennedy about coming from a dysfunctional family, and how that makes her a bitch. Oh yeah, and she also just has to let it slip that she's adopted. "The turning point for me," she says, "was seeing April Tuna's shrine. I realized staring at it that if I died as angry as I am now that nobody would even care." Lots of reaction shots of Kennedy students looking touched. Ew!!!!!

"Hey!" bellows a voice from the back of the room. "What is going on here?" It turns out to be April Tuna -- very much alive. Emory Dick faints.

Fat-girl placard reads, "Step four: Healing." Lily stands at her locker. Josh approaches her and greets her. Without looking at him, Lily is all, "Hi, Rick James!" and starts to rant a little more about the sexist behavior of those who have mullets. Jeez, Lily, tolerance much? Then she turns to look at him and realizes that he's cut the back of his hair for her (so now he's got the exact same haircut he had last season), AND he's gotten the Mullet Club to donate $500 to the Tuna Scholarship Fund. Lily is ecstatic. They start doing it right then and there. But Lilly pulls away momentarily. "The Mullets didn't get this money through strong-arm hooligan mullet tactics, did they?" They cut to a flashback of the Mullets chasing Mary Cherry down the hall and thrusting a collection can in her face. Josh is all, "Naaaaah."

So then there's this really icky scene in the cafeteria between Harrison and Nicole. They make up -- like I cared about their fight to begin with -- and Harrison thanks her for not outing him as the letter writer. Nicole is all, whatever. Harrison gives Nicole this piece of jewelry with a horse on it that's either a pin or a ring. They don't really make it too clear. Harrison bought two of them at a garage sale, and now that they both own one, they're connected. Nicole is charmed by this for some reason. Will someone please take that chip out of her head? She wishes him luck with Sam, and he leaves.

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