You're no Tammy Lynn Michaels!

by Gustave July 11, 2001
The Tammy Lynn Michaels Interview

And you supervise a staff of interns.

And they're all boys.

No, they're all these Jewish girls with great hair who keep disappearing. You send them out on errands and they never come back.

Yes! And we'll be like, "Shit! Find another one!" And eventually we'd put tiny digital cameras in their panties and we'd have all this ammunition to blackmail these politicians so we'd be secretly running the country. And the first thing? Gay marriages are legal!

Oh, and can we talk about the emotional depression that has been seeping through our country since that pathetic thing we called an election? I cannot believe that we have another Bush in the White House. That was a black day in history.

You're not alone, there.

I cannot believe we have this redneck, good-old-boy, illiterate doofus as leader of the free world. When we have someone like Gore who is smart and motivated and caring and compassionate? I cannot believe it. I met Tipper several weeks ago.

I love Tipper.

She was so warm! So maternal! I can't believe they put Bush in instead of Gore!

Hopefully, this will be the last time we have to deal with this. This will totally finish off the conservative party. You know how when you have to quit smoking, you smoke a lot so you will feel disgusted with yourself and won't want another cigarette? That's what purpose Bush's presidency is serving right now. Or at least that's what I'm trying to tell myself.

I hope you're right.

Okay, speaking of US presidents, have you read that book of letters from Ronald Reagan to Nancy?

No. Should I?

You don't understand! I feel this overwhelming urge to be this poet from the sixteen-hundreds. The man encompassed a love for that woman that was undeniable. I read that book and it -- that's what love is. That is what it feels like. Ronnie had a beautiful way of expressing himself. It makes me hurt so much for Nancy now. And I mean, how weird is it that I'm sympathizing with Nancy Reagan? It breaks my heart. Can you believe that? I am mooning over these love letters from a Republican!

I don't know. Popular's done. I'm coming out. Could it be more difficult in my life?

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