The Trial Of Emory Dick

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C | Grade It Now!
The Trial Of Emory Dick

Bio’s classroom. Bio is passing back what seems to be the forty-third mega-important Biology exam this semester. Everyone is anxious and Bio tramples everyone’s frail nerves by complaining about what a sorry bunch of students they are: "If I wanted to squander my talents, I could have kept my job at The Home Show passing out chisels."

Class is dismissed. Bio asks to see Emory Dick after class. Emory tells Harrison to wait up. Since when do Harrison and Emory hang? Bio tells Emory that due to his bad grade on that last exam, she’s going to have to flunk him for the semester. Since when does a test given really early on in the second semester make that much of a difference when she gives a test just about every eleven minutes anyway? I mean, he could totally pull his grade up. Never mind, that’s not the point. The point here is that Emory is being dumped on by Bio in a big way.

Emory is all pissed about it when he talks to Harrison in the hall. Harrison tells Emory that Bio picks a student every year to flunk. Okay, can I just ask where are these American public high schools where mean teachers flunk their students just because they’re mean? I have never heard of a single high school in the country, private or public, in which you couldn’t basically get a C or above by simply showing up for class and handing in all your assignments. Emory vows to do something about this. They walk past Sam and Lily, who listen to Emory’s diatribe. Sam is sporting Toni Braxton circa "Unbreak My Heart" hair this episode.

Two hours later, Emory walks into school accompanied by an adult male we’ve never seen before. I have always imagined Emory to be the kind of high-school kid who would have a boyfriend in his thirties. As they walk past the Blondes, Nicole trips Emory. Emory and his counsel exit and Carmen is telling the cheerleaders how she made her beaded barrette all by herself and that she has enough beads left to make barrettes for everyone on the squad. Carmen, just hand out twenty-dollar bills already. Brooke is especially nice about Carmen’s offer, but Nicole turns it down by saying that it wouldn’t look good on her since she doesn’t have a square-shaped head. This comment makes Mary Cherry surreptitiously pat her own head in order to check its dimensions. Emory arrives at the Browns’ locker row and introduces his adult male friend to the gang. Turns out this guy is Wesley Chu, Emory’s lawyer, and he’s suing the school. D’oh!

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