The Novak. Mary Cherry sobs hysterically while looking at herself in a hand mirror. Nicole enters, wearing the first in a serious of many chokers. I guess the neck is looking a little crepe-y this week. She calls Mary Cherry "Alice Cooper," and I have to confess I have no idea why. I mean, MC's not carrying a snake or anything. Turns out that Mary Cherry is upset because she can't figure out what to get Nicole for her birthday. "I tried getting you the presidency, but unfortunately you need a brother who's a governor!" Then there's this rattling sound on the soundtrack. Rattlesnake? Alice Cooper? Some editor really fucked up this scene, because I'm not seeing a snake or any reference to Alice Cooper to speak of. Nicole tells MC that she already has what Nicole needs. "The gift of friendship?" asks MC sweetly. "No," says Nicole. "Cash." MC whips out a huge wad of bills and presents them to Nicole. Nicole cheerfully accepts them, and they both go to the mirror to do some primping. MC asks Nicole how she has such a flawless complexion. Nicole replies that she inherited it from her mother, "the queen of Los Angeles society." How odd. I thought I'd seen every Popular ever aired, but it appears that I missed the episode where we found out that Nicole's mother is in fact Charles Nelson Reilly. "An identity such as mine can only be inherited," says Nicole triumphantly. Gee, do you suppose that we're on verge of finding out that all is not what it seems in regard to Nicole's family tree?

Before we can consider such a possibility, Harrison emerges from one of the stalls. Nicole and MC freak out that there's a man in the Novak. Oh, like there's never been one in there before. They ask him what the hell he's doing in the girl's lav. He replies that he can't pee in the boy's lav because it smells like "urine and boiled chicken." Without washing his hands, he starts applying lip balm alongside Nicole and MC and gives his eyebrows a smooth-over. MC comments that Joe "looks un-Joe-like." Harrison, exuding uncharacteristic confidence, adjusts something on Nicole's outfit and tells the ladies present that there's a new Harrison in town and walks off. The girls look confused. And slightly scared. 'Cause the last time some guy dressed well and exuded confidence, they had to fly across the country to foil his evil scheme.

And how cool is it that Nicole's birthday episode is aired one day before my own birthday? We could totally be twins. It could totally be possible. I mean, we're both in our thirties and have fair but flawless skin.