Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another recap of this season's runaway hit show, Popular. This episode deals with sensitive material, such as It, It, It, and, yes, It. If you are offended by It, freaked out by It, or just don't want to know about teenagers with eating disorders doing It, then back away. You have been warned. Love, amorgan.
I guess it's true that old habits die hard. Early one morning, for no apparent reason, Jane is brushing her teeth in Sam and Brooke's bathroom. Now, I could (kind of) understand this nosiness, this absolute disregard for personal boundaries and privacy when it was just Jane and Sam in that little hovel where Jane used to let Sam sleep with open cereal boxes on the bed. Now that they live with Mike and Brooke, one might think that Jane would have no reason whatsoever to be cruising around her daughter's bathroom and stealing her toothpaste. But one would be wrong, since there she is. I imagine Jane in college, her roommates forever aghast at what new violation of personal space she has perpetuated: "Hey, who took my last tampon? Jane, did you - are you wearing my favorite sweater?! I just got that back from the dry cleaner! That's it. House meeting." Anyway. She finds a condom in Sam's bathroom drawer, and decides that it's time to give the girls the Talk. Jane: "I don't want to be one of those parents who lives in denial." Sam: "Mom, please be one of those parents." But no, Jane just barrels on into the It conversation. Aw, that's a nice thing - I like it that she talked about the emotional stuff. Very responsible, etc. Okay, on to the funny bit. She then whips out some "literature" that she picked up at the free clinic, entitled "Know Your Vagina." BWA-ha-ha! The word "vagina" always makes me laugh. The girls are absolutely mortified, and I am already in stitches. It's a promising beginning to the episode. "Vagina." Hee hee hee.
Credits, commercials, blah, blah, blah.
O. Mi. God. And I'd like to add, BWA-HA-HA-HA! Loli-Pop wants me to pet her silky fur! BWA-HA-HEEE! Ew. And then there's Sugar Daddy, chatting up some ol' ho' online. I'm sure she's a loser, someone with whom we are not at all sympathetic even a little bit. (Shut up, Foreshadowing. I don't give a crap what you say.) Oh, man. This has become instantly painful. Poor ol' Sugar Daddy. Lying about how he looks, feeling all ashamed and sad when "Gwyneth" wants to meet up with him in person. Ouch. Thank God for comic relief, eh?
Heavens to mergatroid - what a gorgeous transition from the Loli-Pop video to the two sexiest Chess Club mavens in town, April and May Tuna. Fully outfitted in Loli-Pop gear. Baby, where do I sign up for that dating service? Hee. Oh, but it's not about them, it's just an excuse to drag us into a tedious, preachy spiel from Little Big Head about safe sex. Blah blah blah, the point is that she's all motivated to pass out condoms at school, but can't get Harrison to take her seriously, because he's too busy playing with his own, ahem, Loli-Pop paraphernalia. Oh, hi, Sam. And what are you bitching about today? Oh, that's right, the über-embarrassing sex talk this morning before school. Yeah, well. Happens to the best of us. Shut up. Hey, but even better than telling Sam to shut up, Harrison and LBH just start bagging on her for having a condom and provoking the sex talk in the first place, since she's obviously not getting laid at all. As many more clever and sarcastic recappers than I have often said, "Hey, Kettle? Yeah, hi, it's the Pot. Know what? You're black." To escape their mean-spirited mockery, Sam runs into the only place where anything happens in this school, the Kim Novak Ladies' Lounge. And since Brooke and Sam are the only people who ever use this fabulous restroom, of course they run into one another there. To drive the point of Sam's chastity home, Brooke immediately begins snarking at Sam for the vagina-rrific (hee hee hee) lecture at the Palace that morning. Can you guess what happens next? Unkind words exchanged, a "friendly" wager proposed, the gist of which is that Sam has to get a boyfriend in, like, a week, and Brooke has to have Josh over for dinner. Um. Am I the only one who thinks the odds are a little off for Sam? The loser has to publicly join Knees Together, the sexual abstinence club. Ha! Not bad so far, guys. Only three quarters of the show left to screw things up. Don't blow it. (Heh heh. I said "blow.")