Hello, boys and girls, and welcome to the recap of "Truth or Consequences," the delightful sixth episode of Popular. Last episode on Popular, Carmen earned her wings, Sam thought about herself a whole lot, Harrison turned Brooke into a zombie in his parents’ basement, and Josh and Brooke refrained from doing It yet again. Oh yeah, and the Parents git down on the kitchen floor. And I do mean Git Down.

This episode opens with a dramatic battlefield scene. The camera pans from pudding-smeared windowpane to milk-drenched tabletop. One lone antsy soul sits solitary in the aftermath. Someone jittery. Someone who is wearing some hellaciously tall creepers. Some who is, perhaps, locked to her seat in a rictus of amphetamines and adrenaline. Drumming fingers. Tapping feet. The camera fades to a food-besmirched Brooke McQueen, confessing to an unknown, um, confessor that she has, in fact, been a little stressed lately. Sam sits next to her. They call each other liars, they blame each other for their miserable home lives and their petty, hypocritical character flaws. The unseen confessor asks them patiently, and not for the first time, I think, how this bloody battle began.

A caption floats across the screen, alerting us to the fact that we are experiencing what is known in certain circles as a flashback. "Last Monday, 7:29 AM." Jane (that’s Mom, for those who didn’t catch the last recap) is smearing makeup on her face with a cosmetic sponge. And speaking of cosmetic sponges, Sam pops into the frame not a minute later, just in time to ask Jane what she ended up doing on Friday night. "Making sweaty, grown-up Git Down with my main man Mike, Sam. Why do you ask?" Naw. Just kidding. That’s what she should have said. Really, Jane is very cool and says that she and Mike had a nice dinner. Sam baits her: "Really? Is that it?" Jane maintains her composure. At this point Sam launches into full-on Fucker Mode, telling her mom that she and the girls watched a Cinemax After Dark movie in which a couple of parents have a candlelight dinner and "have each other for dessert, right there on the kitchen floor. It was pretty gnarly." Sam, if I ever had a kid like you, I would shave her head and send her to reform school. And that’s just for starters. Jane asks what the movie was called. "The Beast with Two Backs," says Sam the Asshole, as she snits out of the room. Jane takes a deep breath and checks herself out in the mirror again. That kid is enough to inspire a hysterectomy, or at least a tubal ligation. "I should have stayed on the Pill," a frustrated Jane thinks to herself.