What Makes Sammy Run

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What Makes Sammy Run

Brooke and the Lilmen listen to Sam's message on Lily's cell phone, which gets more screen time these days than Freddy Gong, the Tuna Twins, or Poppy combined. Brooke is heartened by the fact that Sam says she's "okay." The Lilmen point out that Sam's exact words were that she was "okay . . . sort of." "That 'sorta' is a sign that she can hear that sewing machine working," says Carmen, who then proceeds to give a detailed synopsis of her fears that Sam is trapped in a hole somewhere being made into a "man-vest." They cut to a fantasy sequence in which Sam is trapped in a well a la Silence of the Lambs, being forced to moisturize by a cross-dresser carrying a toy poodle named Precious. This sequence isn't that funny although there is one funny part, when Sam yells "Shut up, Precious, you stupid bitch!" ["And was that Harrison as Buffalo Bill?" -- Sars] Brooke is determined not to let Sam ruin the wedding and convinces the Lilmen not to say a word. They agree to wait until Sam calls again. When she does, they'll threaten to bust her unless she comes home immediately. I so do not care.

Moving on to Nicole and Mary Cherry, thank God! Mary Cherry enters the Novak, exasperated that her Notorious B.I.G. tattoo didn't phase her mother or get her any attention: "So much for my devious scheme of becoming a gangsta bitch." Nicole reminds Mary Cherry that she's trying to punish her mother and not herself. "Then I'll marry an even bigger star than Erik Estrada and deny my mama's existence!" says Mary Cherry, thinking real hard. "I know! Lee Majors, the Fall Guy!" Wanda Rickets, the cheerleader from Lynyrd Skynyrd High in Tupelo, enters from a stall as Lynyrd Skynyrd's "That Smell" plays in the background. Nicole and MC ask Wanda what she's doing in the Novak when she's not even a student at Kennedy. Wanda explains that she's been living there ever since she ran away from home. MC asks Wanda to leave for hygienic reasons. Wanda explains that she's addicted to industrial blue toilet-bowl cleaner. She goes back into her stall, and MC and Nicole follow her, only to find that it's furnished to the nines: a dressing table, cosmetics, a boom box, several cases of diet soda, and a neon sign that says "I've got Rickets!" When they ask her how she can afford to support herself and buy all this stuff, Wanda alludes to a job she has that is shameful and qualifies her as "teen trash." Nicole and Mary Cherry want to know more about this job. "Is there anyway that I, Mary Cherry, could also become filthy teen trash like yourself and punish my mama?" asks Mary Cherry. They promise to buy her a case of the blue toilet bowl cleaner in exchange for more information.

San Francisco. Kelly Foster arrives at work to find Sam sleeping on the stoop of her gallery wearing another runaway outfit: red pants, a blue trench coat over a hooded sweatshirt, and a shocking pink chenille hat. Uh, Sam? The reason that runaways wear lots of layers and look so disheveled is because the only clothes they own are the clothes on their backs, which they wear day after day so they get dirty and rumpled. It's not like a runaway has a series of dirty and rumpled layered outfits to change into each and every morning. Kelly is all buddy-buddy for some reason, waking Sam up and inviting her in for lunch and a girl talk. It's lunchtime already and Sam is still sleeping on the street? Sam asks Kelly what there is to talk about. "A lot, actually," says Kelly. "I am Brooke's mother." Oh great, encourage the girl, why don't you!

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