You Don't Tug On Superman's Cape…

Episode Report Card
Gustave: F | Grade It Now!
'Til cancellation do us part

Mrs. Ford's apartment. Lily and Josh discuss his plan to live with his father senior year. "He sounds strict," says Lily, stating the painfully obvious. Josh assures her he'll make it. He just needs to find a way to break it to his mom. Lily promises to support him through the worst of it emotionally, and surprises him with news that she's planned a trip for them to San Francisco. Apparently, something activist-y is going on there called "Heal the Bay," and everyone knows how much of a turn-on a futile act of grassroots activism is for Lily. Who knows? She might even let Josh get to second base amidst all that marching and stuff. Unfortunately, Josh can't go, because his father has enrolled him in an intensive football camp. "Is that something you really want to do?" asks Lily. Josh tells her how prestigious the football camp is. "That's not what I asked," says Lily. "Is this something you want to do?" She expresses concern that Josh isn't going to have time to "find himself" between the football practices and strict curfew. "I'd rather have you living three thousand miles away and still be the guy I fell in love with than right next door and a football player," she says. Okay, for the seventeen hundredth time, not only does Josh like football, but he can't be on the team because he was kicked off. Am I the only one who watches this show? Oh wait, I kind of am. Anyway, Lily proposes another solution to their problems: marriage. Right, Lily, because when you get married, you can stay in school and not have to work for a living, because little green elves appear magically and build you your very own home which is built out of a very special kind of gingerbread so you can also lick it for nourishment. You know, I'm surprised more people don't look into options like this.

Dream sequence. Mary Cherry fights Big Bertha in a big ring, where an emcee introduces MC as "the most hated girl alive." Big Bertha mercilessly pummels Mary Cherry, who keeps trying to fix her hair. While Mary Cherry lies prostrate on the mat, Big Bertha climbs on top of the ropes and consults the audience on what to do next. The Kennedy Gang are sitting in the stands, wearing togas and wreathes. They give the thumbs down, calling for Mary Cherry's death -- because no other television show currently on the air has thought of doing a Gladiator reference or anything. Bertha leaps on top of Mary Cherry, crushing the hell out of her stunt double. Mary Cherry wakes up screaming. The timer clocks her as having 10 hours, 13 minutes and 31.6 seconds until annihilation. In a rare moment of consistency, Mary Cherry is wearing the same pajamas with diamond rings on them that she wore in the last episode. She's also sporting a "cupcake is sleeping" sleep mask. Hee!

The Novak. Tubas and other brass instruments play the humorous "he said/she said" theme while Lily tells Carmen that she might marry Josh. Carmen points out that 60 percent of teen marriages end in divorce. This makes Lily reconsider her proposal. Over in the locker room, Josh is having the same conversation with George. Because Sugar Daddy seems to have disappeared into the same black hole that swallowed Poppy Fresh, Exquisite Woo, and Adam Rothschild-Ryan, making George Josh's confidante this week. They love each other, but will they feel the same way in three months or three years? Who the hell cares? We'll never find out, because this is the second-to-last episode!

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