Pretty Little Liars
A Is For A-L-I-V-E

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
Please, Not Now!

Holbrook: "We were both on Undressed, a show you probably don't remember because it was made before any of you were born. It was good at the time, but even more progressive and admirable in retrospect. Anyway I agree with you. The deceased was not very professional in his Liar-related conduct."
Liars: "Which it's just now occurring to us was a mixed blessing, because clearly you are not fucking around."
Holbrook: "Prepare your business. For I will be all up in it soon."

Everybody looks so beautiful! Aria's makeup is like, I would watch a YouTube tutorial on that shit. I first noticed the change during one of the scenes where Spencer was skulking around the church looking just dramatically beautiful, but it's all of them. Why save your entire game for this shitty funeral for this dude? I mean, I get why the fashion part is so unequal -- those awesome black dresses were not fucking cheap -- but the entire styling is like, an entire letter-grade higher than the rest of the episode. Understand that none of them ever look bad, how could they, but generally I get this excited about three times an episode, spread out, instead of times five and all at once.

A: "The truth won't set you free, bitches. I'm going to bury you with it. Kisses!"

And of course -- the Lady In Black having vanished while Sean Faris was mesmerizing them with his terrifying competence -- a video of them dicking around with Wilden's car, from an angle where you can't see the pig, the conspicuous lack of Dead Wilden... But you do get to see Mona, which was an obscure relief because you know if she wasn't in the video those gals would never let it drop.

Liars: "Oh my God, she was taping us! This one incriminating moment! I don't believe it!"

...Really? You don't believe it? I mean, first of all yes of course she was, she always is, she's everywhere and she's nowhere, but also did the bitch not send you approximately eighteen messages on various media devices throughout the entire episode saying, "I clearly taped you fucking with the dead man's car and will be framing you for his murder fairly soon"? Starting with as it was happening? Because that's how I remember it.


Safe at home in the Lair Van, the Lady In Black raises her veil to reveal... A mask of Alison's face! Sure, yeah. Ten-four, I feel that. I absolutely feel that. What else would be going on in that van besides a ghost ninja in a body-con dress lifting up her waist-length mourning veil to reveal that she's been wearing a mask of her own face all day, while staring into a mirror surrounded by a collage of millions of pictures of her own face with the eyeholes poked out?

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Pretty Little Liars




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