It's Evil Stepsister's first day in Rosewood, and she's being eerily kind and meek around the Liars. Which is not as comforting for Hanna as it could be, considering the other Liars and her boyfriend Caleb have been having all kinds of secret meetings behind her back trying to find the next clue in that video he keeps showing them. Finally, they do: A fake ID belonging to Alison in which she has dark brown hair. Some really bizarre stuff happens there, it's a long story involving wigs and pseudonyms and Nabokov and fake IDs, but the gist is that Spencer gets ahold of an old Alison claim check for yet another storage or pawn place, the contents of which we will find out about next week.
The now constantly weeping Spencer figures out some dirt on Kate, which she uses to protect Hanna from her while also trying to allay Hanna's fears that she's being iced out of the group. This in addition to threats from A to stop Caleb from doing his video magics. Hanna puts these mysteries together and figures out that he's an Honorary Liar, and freaks out on Spencer, but in the end it's okay -- they hug, and cry, and so forth. It's odd but not entirely surprising that, at this point, Spencer really is probably the only one that's worried about Hanna.
In maybe bigger news -- at least in terms of Caleb's imminent demise -- Hanna tells him about approximately a third of the whole deal with A, which sends him to Jenna's house, where he gets menaced by Garrett some more. So I'm guessing he's going to be more, not less, suspicious moving forward. God, at this rate the mysterious architect could turn up, still clutching lasagna boxes and mechanical pens.
Oh, Aria. Right. So Byron engineers a promotion for Ezra that would involve him moving to New Orleans. I think they have young girls in New Orleans, so it should be fine. Less fine, though, is whatever's going on with Holden: On one of their fake dates, Aria spots some pretty gruesome bruises on his body. So I guess he's going on secret dates with a puncher or kicker and that's his big secret, probably. It just keeps getting weirder and more charming with that kid.
Speaking of Noel Kahn, he is omnipresent and doing nothing wrong at all -- even helps Maya with her phone! -- which as usual sends the Liars into paroxysms of rage and hatred toward him that still don't make any sense to me. And Jenna is still MIA, and Toby is still gone, which is half the reason Spencer's being so weird. (The other half is: She is a crazy person.)
On the Emily tip, Pam Fields comes back to town and gamely offers to take Emily and Maya to dinner. What a great idea, you're thinking, and you're right. Maya is her usual horrible self, Pam swings shut like a trap again, but in the end I guess Maya redeems herself by redecorating a bedroom, and they do more making out than you have ever seen. This was the lesbianest episode I can think of, actually.
So yeah, did things happen? Hanna telling Caleb about her stalker and the lasagna money, that was a biggie. And Kate is now fully deployed, which is exciting. Holden getting beat. Ezra being presented with some bogus decision about his future that will go nowhere. Maya has a gift for redecorating from the dollar store, and admits that she's being passive-aggressive toward Pam because she is a terrible old crone. Noel Kahn is still wonderful. Wigs are...
You know what, that's the big one. Wigs are now in play.
Next week: Jenna calls everybody bitches, Noel Kahn is menacing, Holden bruises more and Aria turns a whole lot of nothing into total instant drama.
Ashley Marin stole a bunch of money and then killed a succession of architects and their family members and impersonators to keep it out of the news. Hanna's rival stepsister moved to Rosewood, and Aria's mysterious beau Holden returned to same. Caleb came ever closer to becoming a Liar, Noel Kahn dumped Mona and took up with Jenna, and Ezra Fitz once again succumbed to his perversions.
The Liars -- plus Caleb, minus Hanna -- sit around watching that video of the NAT Club investigating and/or lying in wait for good old Alison DiLaurentis. When Ian reveals his double-crossing surveillance and scuffles with Garrett, the box that Jason gave Aria falls to the floor, along with the camera, so now the gals are very interested in seeing what fell out of the box that night that maybe isn't in the box anymore.
It is at this point -- as Caleb is learning about the nitpicking downside of being part of this particular conspiracy -- that lonely Hanna starts calling them. First Emily, then Aria, then Caleb, and finally Spencer. Heh. Of course, it's Spencer that's got the ADD problems, so while the rest of them pressed Ignore with an alacrity that seemed near hateful, Spencer immediately answers the phone. So that she can lie to Hanna about how they are her friends.
Hanna: "Let's watch a movie! Even one of your artsy foreign ones, where all they do is stare out windows."
Spencer: "First of all, I'm not Aria. Second of all, I am busy spending time with my family."
Hanna: "Like you have a family."
It's a battle of wits between the smartest one and the dumbest one, but there is a twist in this battle when Emily randomly drops a bottle of sparkling water -- understandable -- which causes Aria to loudly exclaim, "Emily!" Not understandable. Aria, you worthless idiot.
Hanna: "Now I have figured it out. The reason you are all ignoring me is because you are all together in secret."
Spencer: "Did you figure out the other part where we are hanging out with Caleb? Like you asked us not to? Because of what we are clearly doing? And you just called him too?"
Hanna: "No! I have to go!"
Spencer yells at Emily and Aria equally, which is unfair because that was all Aria, and then they notice a thing on the screen in the video, which Caleb magically enhances to several billion times its original size, and then magically enhances to several billion times its original clarity, so they suddenly can see the object. You know, like how things work in real life.