MARIN

Caleb: "I can't wait to go see Bon Iver with you!"
Hanna: "I am ungrateful for these tickets, because some dude freaked Mona out. They said he was like a young werewolf that was a very good actor. And now I can't go visit her anymore."
Caleb: "Sounds like that hot werewolf kid did you a favor."
Hanna: "Presumably it's Lucas who did this, so not really."
Caleb: "No, it was just actually me. I went to ask her about running game on you, and she started flipping tables like a Jersey Housewife. Sorry about that, but seriously. You need to stay out of that place."
Hanna: "Your paternalism is coming real close to unacceptable."
Caleb: "I guess so, but I feel more like I'm trying to do an intervention. The rules are iffy."
Hanna: "Nope, they're not. This isn't an intervention, it's you making decisions for me."
Caleb: "Like you're always doing to me?"
Hanna: "That's different."
Caleb: "Okay, how? Because I'm always honest with you, and I really feel like this Mona thing is a rabbit hole."
Hanna: "I cannot be honest with you about this, sorry. Ironically for the same reason, except mine actually counts."
Caleb: "So then have some Bon Iver tickets in your face. Caleb out!"

MONTGOMERY

Aria: "...Or you could just tell him about A."
Hanna: "What? Just tell him about the whole thing?"
Aria: "Yeah. I mean, from what I've heard this A thing can get pretty hairy. If A ever did anything to me, once ever, I would probably tell Ezra. I just hope I never find out."
Hanna: "Look honey, I'm wearing coffee filters as a shirt. I clearly don't have time for this right now. Now, why are you on a singles site for gross old men?"
Aria: "I have a ridiculous idea that I can hook my mom up with a new boyfriend and then I won't have to deal with all the awkwardness of telling her about Meredith."
Hanna: "But why this specific site? They all look like sex offenders."
Aria: "First of all, we both know my mom's type. And second of all, we live in Rosewood, Pennsylvania. The Sex Offender Registry is like our Match.com."
Hanna: "This still seems like taking the wrong way around just so you don't have to suffer through telling your mom about Meredith. You know what would solve that problem a lot more elegantly? Simply not telling your mom about Meredith."

Ashley: "Ew, why are you looking at gross old guys? Aria, are you upping your game?"
Aria: "No, I'm just worried about my mom."
Ashley: "Forget this shit. Go to another dating site. It's the one I use."
Hanna: "Gross, Mom!"
Ashley: "Oh, get real."