Melissa: "Garrett had just been arrested, I'm getting blackmailed, I just went through with it."
Spencer: "And talking to Jenna?"
Melissa: "My invite just said to distract her."
Spencer: "I feel like they just make this show up as they go along sometimes, and then other times it's like the most meticulous thing. It's so weird."
Melissa: "Isn't it to be presumed that Mona was the one blackmailing me? A left me alone after that, so... Can we just be bros again? I'm going to take a nap upstairs and/or be super creepy, you guys."
Veronica: "The only other person that knows she was faking it is... Garrett. And your dad, he's on our team against you too."
Spencer: "So you're being blackmailed too."
Veronica: "No, it's a whole other thing."
Spencer: "I will go live above the Talon with Toby so fuckin' fast..."
Veronica: "Fine. One of the witnesses on Garrett's old attorney's list was the PI your father and I hired to follow Melissa."
Veronica: "So in Rosewood, the only crime more heinous than finding a shovel is faking a pregnancy. They would have thrown her ass in jail so fast..."
Spencer: "Just for being sketchy?"
Veronica: "No, all us Hastingses are sketch as hell. More like she has more dead bodies piled up around her than you do."
Spencer: "That's actually kind of valid."
Caleb: "What's up, Buttercup?"
Hanna: "Well, I was going to tell you what's been going on this whole time, but now I'm pretty sure it will get your entire family murdered. And since you were an orphan until a year ago, that seems like a selfish kind of move."
Caleb: "Yeah, my mom was just in a horrible car accident. As it turns out."
Hanna: "Man, I really thought A was done with pulling this on me. Trust, if it were up to me I'd just get run over again."
Caleb: "And there's no way I can blame Mona for this?"
Hanna: "You can try."
Caleb: "Cool, I will. Meantime, consider us broken up. At least when I'm being 'protective' I tell you about it. This is just you dangling the disclosure carrot and then dicking me around."
Hanna: "Well, I hope your mom turns out okay. And I promise not to get you murdered. And I guess that means we're broken up. I guess okay."
So sad! But props for making the stakes such that this still works as a plotpoint, considering the show does the same thing over and over like this, but always makes it work in context. There's something delirious and smart about that.