Pretty Little Liars
Blind Dates

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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At Least I'll Be Alive

Previously: Alison and Ian asphyxiated, Wren medicated, Emily impetrated and prestidigitated, Hanna overcompensated, Aria matriculated and Spencer prevaricated. Also she stole some shit.

ACROSS THE TRACKS

While the Liars wander around outside the pawn shop dressed like the crazy hos in the "Love Is A Battlefield" video, Spencer produces a shitload of money out of nowhere and comes back for her sister's ring. Sadly, the pawn shop guy or A or somebody have switched out her ticket, and now it's gone. The guy offers Spence a horseshoe instead -- frankly, she needs all the luck she can get -- and A sends them all a mean text about it.

Because text messages come from God, they all stare into the sky, and guess what's there: The big glasses from The Great Gatsby, eyeballing them from a billboard. Since all of them are too busy spying on people and stealing shit and getting murdered all the time to do their required reading, not a single one of them gets the reference. Not even Hanna, who frankly should be paying attention to these, since she's the one that got voted Most Likely To Get Run The Hell Over.

But it's especially depressing given that The Great Gatsby is literally the only thing they have ever studied in school, at any point in the entire show. Fitz would be so disappointed. On the other hand, I'm sure Aria's showing leaps and bounds of improvement in vase- and bong-making over at college.

MONTGOMERY

Ella (!) produces blueberry pancakes to show that we are back to normal, but Mike is not having it. Aria turns this conversation about a mother's estrangement from her own son into a jeremiad about a girl's pretend estrangement from her own friends. (Actually, I'm done making that same joke over and over because obviously the point is that they have no supervision and could get caught at any time -- and, as it turns out, this is finally a plotpoint. Plus, more Ella equals more joy for everybody: Because yeah, in Ezra's absence, Ella's the new teacher of Rosewood High's renowned baccalaureate course of study, The Great Gatsby: A Year-Long Symposium, which means she's going to be well-meaningly up in everybody's business even more than before, and will thus be privy to the Liars' ongoing and unendingly weird behavior.

HASTINGS

Spencer: "Going somewhere? Why do you have your passport?"
Melissa: "It's Ian's. I need it to make an insurance claim on that ring."
Spencer: "I hope your ring turns up."
Melissa: "Fuck you for hoping I find my ring. This is about my missing husband!"
Spencer: "Apparently I... Walked into that one?"
Melissa: (Is still the worst.)

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Pretty Little Liars

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