They watch from about a billion miles away as Melissa lets herself into the haunted house and Wren stands around. Spencer looks hot climbing through the fence, and then they hear Melissa screaming her ass off, so they all come running. And what's going on now? What's Melissa's goddamn problem this time? What, Ian's not there? He got something on her cashmere sweater and then disappeared again? He's having devil babies with some other child-lady? Lunchbox of himself creepin' on youngsters? Doing dope with Jason DiLaurentis and hurling girls over banisters? Digging up a yard, be back soon? Nope. Ian's in there, all right.
Having shot himself in the fucking head!
I killed Alison. I losT my Temper because she knew Too much. BuT There's only so much you can bury. IT won'T be That easy, but [scribble] I know how To geT rid of The pain. I can't [scribble] run from The law. Come and find me. -- Ian
Oh, the horseshoe from the pawn shop was from this barn also, which is creepy. A grabs Spencer's purse out of one of the cars while the Liars and Wren and Melissa freak the hell out about everything -- Melissa's so unspooled she actually accepts a hug from her sister -- and stashes Ian's cell phone in there, simply because Spencer is so permanently framed that it never hurts to add a little more chaos on top.
Wow. So yeah, great episode! Hanna fixed up Lucas and her Caleb stuff, then had a therapeutic breakthrough, and then it looks like she went psycho on Therapy Anne. Aria figured out her brother is up to something telecommunicative, got a new Great Gatsby teacher, and noticed that Jason's fine as hell, if you're into his whole type. Emily's swim team problem got simultaneously better and worse, and Pam loves Samara pretty much. And Spencer enlisted Wren to follow Melissa to Ian, who ended up shooting himself in the pedophile brain. I mean, if the body's still there next week. I wouldn't put anything past Ian or A.
Next week: Ghost Alison begins appearing to random freshmen, critiquing their outfits and guessing their BMIs. Ian's suicide note and crime scene somehow still end up indicting both Toby and Spencer, because welcome to Rosewood. Noel Kahn waltzes into Lucas's relationships with Danielle and Hanna, Pied Pipering everybody over to his house for a beer blast that turns into a foam party free-for-all. Pam and Samara get so into planning the upcoming lesbian wedding that Emily starts smashing the good china. Mike Montgomery joins a gang of roving street toughs led by Jenna Cavanaugh. Ezra proves disconcertingly open to discussing the idea of a threesome.