Pretty Little Liars
Blind Dates

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
At Least I'll Be Alive

Out in the barn, Spencer finds a quite full-packed suitcase by the door which contains bras, 'meds,' 'supplies,' shaving cream, and Ian's passport. Melissa gets out of the shower, so Spence quickly zips it back up and runs for it. Melissa's creeped by this, because Spencer is being creepy. Even Spencer is possibly starting to notice how creepy she's being.


Aria and Spencer discuss how Ian is probably on the run, definitely not at Jason's house, and Melissa is probably going to run away soon considering how hard her life has become, what with Spencer always up in her shit. Will Ian hurt Melissa? How crazy is it that A) That's a question you can ask, and B) That's a question that is not answerable.

Aria caresses a family photo because Mike is missing, and then there is an intruder, who is of course Mike. Who has a Bluetooth, which proves that he is now Trouble. He won't tell her where he's been going, and when she presses him he won't answer, and she threatens to tell, and he threatens to tell about how she's hanging out with the Liars all the time. Nice! Aria tries to get Mike onboard with the idea that life is going to be okay one day, blueberry pancakes and whatnot, and Mike just acts all coked-up some more and leaves her there.


Caleb and Hanna have set up a pre-movie creepshow where they serve Lucas and Danielle snacks and hide in the kitchen clearly discussing them. It is astoundingly awkward. On the other hand, it might actually work: At least Lucas and Danielle have their skin-crawling behavior to discuss. (Not to mention the thread in this episode about how Hanna's so terrified of being alone that she spent the year after Alison died being friends with Mona, and is now throwing nerd parties at her house.)

Danielle: "This would be more fun if Hanna weren't in the kitchen staring at you the whole time and constantly intruding with more and more snacks. My theory is that she is still into you, and only brought Caleb to make you jealous. She is meangirling me, and has set this whole thing up to get both boys."

Technically, this is not true. But in practice, it's not untrue, either. The circumstances are more complicated than that, sure: They always are. But it illustrates how, nine of out ten, the road to Mean Girl is paved with unclear intentions. It's rare that a person, even Alison, knows they're being a bitch when they're being a bitch. Usually they're lying to themselves just as hard about how it's a good idea. Plus, even more often than that, the boys aren't even the point. It's usually about power. And nobody needs power -- now, or ever -- more than Hanna Marin. If she could add Mona to this salad she might actually have the balls to go back to therapy. Or, if it works, then she's proven to herself that she is an awesome person and she'll go back anyway. I hope it is the latter, because Hanna is the greatest, but I worry because she's also the weakest.

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Pretty Little Liars




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