Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Nukes & Cookies

Hanna: "Always working an angle, aren't you?"
Caleb: "Like you're not?"
Hanna: "You don't know the first thing about me!"
Caleb: "No, you don't know the first thing about you."

Caleb! The pith is strong in this one. He's like the Greek chorus of Girl World. I don't even know what he means exactly but it's a strong indication that we need to pay attention to the stuff he says. If Toby were capable of expressing himself I think he's say the same stuff, essentially, but since he's hamstrung by being looney-tunes, and Mona's hamstrung by being an insane bitch, it's nice to have somebody around telling the true things. (Well, about people other than Sean, Lucas.)

And speaking of Lucas, the fix is in: $200 in tax-free A money for every dance. Oh, that's good. That's even better than the cupcakes, actually.

So while Spencer's getting Ian's keyring, Hanna's got to figure out a way to dance with Lucas without Sean wigging out. Since this is impossible, Sean wigs out. But at least Hanna goes about building her case in a rational way: Essentially, it's mean to exclude Lucas and the whole reason she's dating Sean is because he was nice to her when she was Hefty. Therefore, he can't complain when she tries to do the same with Lucas, like trickledown freakonomics.

Sean's not into that, though: "You were sweet! This kid's looking to get bitchslapped every time he opens his mouth!" Sean is very hard to disagree with, it's true. Especially in his plaid banker's shirt, sweater vest and sleeves rolled up past his elbows like some kind of '80s preppy sex god. Sean's such a part of the Obstacle Course Of Life most weeks that it takes a lot to make him noticeable, but he's definitely working it this week.

No less suspicious of Hanna's charity is Lucas himself, who at least tries to be diplomatic about telling her to fuck off. Finally she goes back to her usual "you've been treating me like a bedbug for weeks" complaint, and points out that they're only dancing for a good cause, exposure to civics, and everybody's gotta dance with somebody. He says he doesn't like the song, she grins and reminds him that he actually loves this song, and finally he gives in, and it's pretty cute.

(...Which is repulsive! Because now Lucas is Ducky, and Hanna's finally giving him a taste. Which in terms of his fantasy/reality equation resets their entire relationship to the long-ago eBay level, when the biggest problems between them were Mona and his muddy shoes... But none of that is actually true, and Hanna's sweetness and charity are now the biggest lie of all. The best thing about her, her protectiveness and compassion for Lucas, are now total prostitution and the opposite of her better nature. Even though she's not actually faking, and totally wants to be friends and dance with Lucas, none of it counts. Isn't that so gross? I loooove it. What a nasty little tale.)

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Pretty Little Liars




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