Peter: "Fine. Jason fell off the wagon somewhere between here and Wyoming..."
Spencer: "He's back on the pot!?"
Peter: "Yeah and it's making him get into barfights, like how marijuana always works."
Spencer: "So you and Jessica are keeping her divorce a secret, so he won't do more weed?"
Peter: "And if I tell your mom about it, she'll pull her special victim act and we'll never hear the end of it..."
Spencer: "...Because of your infidelity, got it. Okay, that's a good enough reason to lie."
Peter: "It's not lying! I think of myself more as a Pretty Little Omitter."
Toby: "I'm here too! No shirt on."
Peter: "Spencer, I'm going to ask you to leave me with your shirtless teen boyfriend."
Spencer: "No, I get it."
Aria: "Everything that ever happens from now on is because Caleb moved to another TV show and Hanna has become insane. It's like a lifetime supply of free passes."
Ezra: "Everything that ever happens from now on is because I am A. Or because I got a girl pregnant with an imaginary baby that I still think is my actual child. Or because I don't want to go to jail for rape. Or because I don't want to get fired from my job I've already been fired from eleven times."
Aria: "I'd like to pencil you in between my other boyfriend, my conspiracy of Liars, the hacker ninja that tortures them, my alive dead friend, and thrift-shopping at the futuristic clown store. Gonna pop some tags."
Ezra: "Okay cool, because I am going to Philly to see a friend."
Aria: "You have a friend? Is it your one friend that you have, Hardy?"
Ezra: "No, it is a second friend. A laxbro named Curtis. He sells me drugs."
Aria's Phone: "That's perfect because Jake is back from Harrisburg, the American karate capital."
Ezra: "See, you've a million things to do, like have multiple boyfriends even though we are in love."
Aria: "Nah, I'll just go break up with him. By which I mean, make him cry hopefully."
Emily: "You are donating all of your clothes? You're symbolically purging your life of Caleb through giving away clothes?"