Pretty Little Liars
Dead to Me

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: A
ody is capable of that. Trust me on that one."
Aria: "I like to roll around in beds and hit on little brothers."
Ashley: "I just drink a lot of wine since my divorce."
Ella: "I have sex with hot baristas since mine."
Pam: "Emily's father and I are actually the same person, just in different clothes."
Emily: "I engage in mesmerism."


Anne: "Oddly, the show has started with you already hypnotized, so it's possible I'm still messing with you on A's orders. It's too bad I'm not Caleb's real mom, that would have been great. Anyway, remember everything about That Night."
Emily: "You mean the night at the lighthouse, but when we say That Night on this show we're talking about the night I was discovered at Ali's dug-up gravesite after being roofied and kidnapped by no less than like five different individuals over the course of things."
Anne: "So I guess it's about to get weird, then. I didn't know that information."


Aria: "I know you're staying here and you're in hiding, and all, but I thought maybe I would just skulk around for a little while."
Wesley: "It's okay, I was just writing a poem on this old black typewriter."
Aria: "I have a feeling we're going to be good friends. That's exactly the kind of horrible thing I would do in your situation."

The phone rings and Wes gets scared and Aria's like, "But what if it is Fitz, calling his own home for no real reason on a landline?" so he answers, and it's a hangup call. And I guess you're supposed to think, "Is this A?" but you know it isn't, because this is an Aria storyline and thus has nothing to do with the show we're watching.


Anne: "Do you see the lighthouse? Are you walking around with a knife?"
Emily: "No, I'm at a gravesite with a shovel. They just turned on the sprinklers. Oh! I see her!"
Anne: "Paige? Is she roofying you?"
Emily: "No, Alison. She seems really scared. I keep saying we shouldn't be here, and it's bad, and we shouldn't be doing this, but she's just hanging out in her yellow hoodie down in the open grave. Oh, and now I'm killing her. This sucks."

I love Emily so much. She literally, when it gets to this part where she's bashing Alison's head in, she goes, "I'd like to wake up now!" You can take the Canadian out of Canadia, but you can't hypnotize that shit out of 'em. Runs deep.

Emily: "I have the murder weapon!"
Anne: "The knife you stabbed that kid with? What is going on right now in your hypnotism? I am so confused!"
Emily: "No, the shovel. THE SHOVEL!"

Emily busts herself out of the hypnotism and immediately zooms out the door without explaining a damn thing to Therapy Anne. But I guess Anne would know the significance of a shovel in Rosewood, so maybe she's protecting Emily from that whole client-privilege loophole where if a patient tells you they found a shovel, you have to report it to the authorities even if it was under hypnosis.

Mostly, I just want to pretend that some time, maybe next week, we'll get a flashback to the scene before we joined them, when Emily was already under and Anne will be like, "When I count to three, you are going to think you killed Alison. And then Mona Vanderwaal will stop trying to murder my son, who is Caleb Rivers, and I can finally get back together with Jamie Doyle, and we will be the hottest fucking couple in town."


Caleb: "Well, this was stupid. Bye, Uncle Jamie."
Jamie Doyle: "Do you guys want to get a hamburger or something? I want to buy you things."
Hanna: "Anybody who knows Caleb would know he's about to start crying and punching things, Jamie Doyle. Just let us leave."
Jamie Doyle: "Oh hey, I just found this photograph of Caleb from when he was six months old."
Hanna: "Really? Because you clearly pulled it out of your wallet just now."
Jamie Doyle: "Yeah because clearly I am Caleb's father and feeling awkward about it. I feel okay putting this burden on you."
Hanna: "...Yeah, I can handle that actually. I'm pretty reliably the best person on this show, so."


Emily calls Hanna, no response, so she just chills in her room for a while remembering the explanation for those postcards: Alison was laying them out like a Tarot spread, for their future together, when they would run away and make out on top of the Eiffel Tower. It's one of the more compelling Emily/Ali scenes ever, I love it when you get to see Ali's sweetness as more than just manipulation, but it's also nice to know they're not just going to stick us with twenty-five ticking postcard timebombs and leave it at that, like they're the new bracelets bracelets bracelets. Also, any time Alison shows her vulnerability and desperation to be free of the whole Rosewood stalking situation and you can see how afraid she was. I give it a ten.

Pam: "Emily, why are you just chilling here about postcards? Is this about that time you murdered a boy? Because you're really bumming everybody out."
Emily: "Yeah, I went to therapy for it."
Pam: "And how did that go?"
Emily: "Not well, Pam."

Pam: "Honey, you need to stop feeling guilty and just celebrate your stab-happy heroism..."
Emily: "Stop acting like I'm innocent. I'm not this sweet little baby everybody always acts like I am. You never meet the same person twice. That girl is gone."
Pam, verbatim: "Sweetheart, I know who you are. And you would never deliberately do anything to hurt another person. Emily, I am your mother. And that means that I can see you. All of you. Sometimes better than you can see yourself. And there's only good there. Look at me! I promise you, there's only good there."

And a little lesbianism, that will eventually send you to hell. Just kidding, what a wonderful scene. One of the strongest through-lines of this entire show has been watching the reconstruction of the always very human Pam, watching her do this exact thing -- "I see every part of you" -- and come to terms with the fact that her daughter is pretty incredible in most ways, and let her be who she is. Support that continuing process.

I mean, that would be a killer speech in any context, in any family, but knowing the Fields family history it really makes it powerful. Can you imagine if somebody said that to you? "I know exactly who you are, and I have the actual knowledge and authority to assure you there is no darkness there."


PI: "Found your Lair 3.0. What do you imagine is there, Spencer?"
Spencer: "No fucking idea. Probably a simulacrum of a simulacrum."
PI: "Okay, what do you hope is behind that door."
Spencer: "For a gross heroin-looking skiptracer you sure do have a light touch. It's incredibly comforting right now, I'm not gonna lie. What I will say is that we had a secret, the two of us. And if he's still there, if it's still in play, that means he kept our secret."
PI: "It took a while and multiple viewings, but I guess that makes sense."

Spencer: "Did you ever play the game with the flowers when you were little? He loves me, he loves me not? The trick is, you just find a flower with the odd number of petals."
PI: "Buttercups. Marigolds. In addition to my caring nature I also know how many petals each kind of flower has. I am pretty complex."
Spencer: "How many petals on a hydrangea?"
PI: "The number is infinite. I think I get your point. Hydrangeas are the flower of heartlessness. They change color quickly and often. And if you open that door...?"
Spencer: "I open the door. And if it's full of the things that I think it is, then it means that there's h

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Pretty Little Liars




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