Dear Emily. I am using a mystery email account to write and tell you that I've always liked how chill you are, and I think you should use that power to chill out right now. Quote, 'I shouldn't have come back. I should have just left, all tragic and perfect and we'd always have had that instead of this mess.'
Actually, that's a fairly level-headed take. I like Maya a lot more in email form. Maybe she can just send Emily emails from time to time about her adventures, and that way everybody wins. One of the great things about a long-distance relationship is that your stalker has to go to some pretty incredible lengths to hold your girlfriend hostage, when that kind of thing goes down, and the sad truth is that most stalkers just don't have that kind of energy.
Veronica: "Wrapping up that bag of garbage, huh? He better not fucking come over to get it back. And if you take it over there, leave it on the porch. Don't go in the house, don't talk to him, and come right back here."
Spencer: "Well, you sound crazy. Also, it's next door. Also, what the hell are you even talking about? We all have a piece of the truth, and nothing is going to get better until we all share our individual chunks of whatever is going on. Have your last five conversations with Ashley not made that abundantly clear? Because I'll tell you, Mom, she and Ella are just completely lapping you at this point. And you're supposed to be the smartest one."
Veronica: "Pam's coming back soon, and then I'll move right back to third place in terms of people who ever get what's going on."
Veronica: "Meantime, that boy is going to fuck everything up for everybody."
Spencer: "That 'boy' is my brother. Stop blaming them for everything. How about this, did you know that Alison was maybe blackmailing Dad?"
Veronica: "Wait, you talked to Dad about this? What, just for curiosity's sake, did he say?"
Spencer: "That he hired a PI because he thought Melissa killed Alison. See how it all loops around into crazytown?"
Veronica: "Well, how about this for a twist? The detective was my idea."
Spencer: "So now you're just disclosing... Wait, so we all think Melissa killed Alison?"
Veronica: "Have you ever met your sister? She is like the craziest thing I've ever seen!"