Melissa: "Spencer, what are you doing tossing Dad's office like some kind of gumshoe?"
Spencer: "Needed a stamp. For mailing something on a piece of paper, like people still do in real life."
Melissa: "I carry those in my purse, as a curiosity..."
Spencer: "Nope, found one! Right next to the VHS machine and a slide rule."
Emily: "Excuse me, crotchety desk assistant?"
CDE: "What do you want? I have seven jobs!"
Emily: "Could you look at this annoying picture of my girlfriend making this one face?"
CDE: "I only get five minutes for lunch! People are constantly arriving in and leaving Rosewood PA! As you may have noticed!"
Emily: "Fine, old man."
Emily's Dad suddenly lights up with like his chest thrown out and an American flag waving behind him and over his head it says HERO OF THE BEACH and there's a sound of a blue-blooded American choir and the guy just somehow knows.
CDE: "Fellow penis-owning member of the Armed Forces, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
Dad: "This inconsequential little girl is under my protection, and therefore her interests are my own."
CDE: "Oh, little girl, I had no idea you were here with a man. Your concerns are now valid!"
Emily: "Whatever -- do you know where this girl is?"
CDE: "I don't really notice women except as breeding stock, but that one was notably infirm. She bought a ticket for San Francisco, yes... but then, as I recall, she went out to talk to somebody in a dark-colored car. Blue or black. And then I never saw her again. So I guess maybe she was kidnapped. Ah well. Women are just property anyway."
Dad: "Thank you, Citizen. And thank you for your service to our country in some war or something."
CDE: "Aw, my lunch is up. And I was going to take my meds, too... Ah, well. It was worth it just to serve a healthy younger member of the military in any capacity."
Emily: "Oh, and I'm the gay one? Men! Are! Weird!"