Melissa: "The point is, I think our Dad killed Alison DiLaurentis."
Spencer: "Hold up, what?"
Melissa: "After she died, he was really chill. Like, relieved. And he was being blackmailed by her, you said..."
Spencer: "That's crazy."
Melissa: "I'm not finished. I think it maybe also has something to do with the fact that I was sending her crazy psycho texts and emails all the time. You know, like, threatening her life and whatever."
Spencer: "Uh huh. Did you... um, sign them? Like with any letters of the alphabet?"
Melissa: "She knew who they were from. STAY AWAY FROM IAN BITCH -- I mean, how many people..."
Spencer: "Okay, so now we've got Peter protecting at least three people who maybe killed her, but we all say we didn't kill her, but we all seem like we probably killed her. Oh, and we're all related. Great. He's narrowed it down to His Kids that probably did it."
Melissa: "Or he did it. Which case he wouldn't really need to expend much thought on the subject."
Ella: "So your father is coming home from his conference today..."
Aria: "Don't care."
Ella: "...And he's very excited about the Father/Daughter Dance..."
Aria, verbatim: "Yeah? Well the Father/Daughter Dance is a little more irony than I can handle right now."
Ella: "Maybe you should learn to embrace the irony, because there seems to be a lot of it in our lives."
Valid. But then dumb old Aria starts into some deluded thing about how Ella needs to convince Byron that she's allowed to date Ezra -- when ten times in a single conversation Ella told her to hit the brakes on that whole concept and I'll be damned but I knew at the time that not a single word was sinking in -- and still she's like, "What, you haven't convinced him yet?" Like if only the Montgomerys could be more like the Stoddens.
Wilden: "Ashley, I need to bother you some more about your daughter in a vague way!"
Ashley: "I haven't been pursued like this since I cheated with my ex-husband all over this house in front of countless teenagers who live here! Why, I haven't felt this desired since I killed that architect impersonator and buried him in the azealeas for asking too many questions."
Wilden: "I just need to know where that police report, which I destroyed when I extorted sex out of you came from..."
Ashley: "Oh, Hello Hanna! I was just on the phone with... the phone."