Pretty Little Liars
For Whom The Bell Tolls

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Kook, The Crank, The Blind & Her Mugger

Emily's mom comes into her bedroom with the affliction of Ellipsis Disease, where everything you say comes out slow like the Swamp Thing, and of course Emily assumes -- based on what her mother is slowly saying -- that her dad has been killed in Texas. But no, he just wants the family to move there, Pam and Emily, leaving behind Maya and Paige and the ghost of Alison and Jenna Thang and the whole kit and caboodle. Emily is not entirely into this idea, but Pam points out that she is just a child and maybe she should just do what her parents want this like one time. Emily's firm-set mouth has other plans.

Also suffering from Ellipsis Disease is Ezra, who takes about fifty hours to explain -- in the hallway of the school, naturally -- that he just gave his resignation not because Suddenly Garrett hauled him into the station for statutory hand-holding or "website" paging or whatever chaste perversions he and Aria get up to, but in fact because he got the job at Hollis Clown College where Byron works.

And here's the thing, Ezra has never looked cuter in his life. He's wearing this like bondage-pant heavily tailored lumberjack deconstruction slim-cut red-plaid hipster-fixie waistcoated thing, outfit, costume, something out of Gerard Way's gayest daydream -- imagine if you will that Aria were a dude, how she would dress, or a Canadian superhero -- and it is so fucking cute. I hope Hollis College allows his personal style to remain so free. But it just makes it harder to care about their problems, because an outfit like that solves problems.

Aria's like, "How about you explain the panicked text messages from last night that made me think this was going to be a bad day?" Oh, says Ezra, no big thing. "We're fine. Wasn't about you. It was about Spencer and the trophy and... Props." Pretty sure that's under 140 characters, Chuckles. Anyway, before Aria can call him on this little lapse in phone etiquette, he distracts her with what this means for Their Love. What it means is that he is still an adult and a sexual predator, and she is still a child, but at least he's not her English teacher anymore. They're both over the moon, of course.

Mona blathers at Hanna at length about how she never needed Caleb in the first place, and how poor boys are a hot commodity with diminishing returns, and how who even needs boys, and we should go glamping in each other's underwear, and I want to wear your body like a costume and go door to door being super weird and stalkery. Finally Hanna's like, "You didn't happen to accept a letter from Caleb on my behalf and then read it and then destroy it like a scary insane person, by any chance?" The whole point of this conversation is because Lucas is back in play for some reason, so he needs to overhear about the letter and realize that he's not alone in the Stalking Hanna Marin Club of which he is a founding member and acting secretary.

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Pretty Little Liars




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