Pretty Little Liars
Gamma Zeta Die!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 54 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
You Will Like Cicero Or You Will Be Whipped
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

PREVIOUSLY

Only slightly more destructive to Spencer's worldview than learning that she's been rejected from UPenn, we learned that Evil Big Sister Melissa has been "protecting" Spence "since It started," that she believes Ali is alive and that if Spencer doesn't stop investigating Wilden's death, "It will come apart in ways that you cannot even imagine." With no options but to go crazy again with this info, Spencer has decided that only a talking parrot calling a secret York County telephone number can solve whatever mystery we're even talking about.

Between Emily's five-minute drug addiction, the continual prying eyes of Family Services, and having screwed up the only swim meet in which she has ever participated, it is not looking great for her collegiate future either. Aria sent her mother to go live in a castle in Austria, and Hanna is pretty sure her mother stole a gun from her ex-husband and killed a cop -- and that the thrillingly wonderful State Police in town fully know it.

TONIGHT

"AIIEE! STOP MAKING ME SHOOT YOU WITH A STOLEN GUN JUST BECAUSE YOU KEPT RAPING ME AND IMPREGNATED THE GIRL WHO TURNED MY DAUGHTER INTO A BULIMIC AND THEN I RAN OVER YOU BUT STILL YOU DID NOT DIE SO THEN I PRETENDED TO BE ON BROADWAY SO I COULD SHOOT YOU LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES! GAH!"

Hanna: "Mom? Wake up! Mom, is everything okay?"
Ashley: "Don't mix Ambien and wine, I guess, is the moral of this story."

TAKE TWO

Just kidding, I made that up. Actually it was just a dream Hanna had, off a police car going by that turned into her mom screaming and/or being arrested, and woke her up. But Ashley's out on the back porch anyway. Is she moving giant ficuses around at six AM? Sadly, no. But she is nesting in a lawn chair with about a thousand chenille throws wrapped around herself and her head, like a burka, or a cocoon from which she will one day spring, covered in a fine fur.

Ashley: "You look shook up and I'm clearly ready to deal with your problems."
Hanna: "No, it's okay. I'll go back to silently freaking out."

Ashley sits up and her hair is shorn in a radically fucked up fashion, and she's wearing the new black under her throws, and it's fuckin' amazing. They both scream in each other's faces, their variously perfect-coiffed and jacked-up-coiffed faces. That's when you know it's gonna be one of those episodes.

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Pretty Little Liars

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