Mikey has finally cracked; Aria finds him crying in his room and immediately jumps on him and holds onto him tight, and it's wonderful.
Hanna: "This bathroom is fucking amazing. Let's live here together!"
Kate: "Yep. Drunk."
Hanna: "I wish I could buy you all the horse books in the world. Horse pictures with naked boys riding the horses."
Hanna Marin. You are a genius.
Kate: "Hey, try on my mom's wedding dress. Just for fun!"
Hanna: "I hope I don't drunkenly ruin it, thereby killing two birds with one stone."
Kate: "Yeah, I'm going to go out for pizza or something. Do some Hanna shit while I'm gone, okay?"
Hanna: (Immediately spins around with the wedding dress, keels over, barfs all on everything.)
Oh, Hanna. You are still kind of a genius.
Dad: "Okay, here's the deal. My involvement with the DiLaurentises goes like this. Alison's grandmother was a drunk and she died a few months after Ali vanished, but before that happened she cut Jason out of the will. They needed me to change the date on the former will so that Jason wouldn't be a suspect in Ali's death. We are talking about a shitload of money."
Regina cooked for all of them and laughed about how drunk Alison's drunk grandmother is, and then Regina tells a long gross story about how if you drink vinegar you'll go into labor, which is related to Hanna's father and uncle's birth stories.
Ali: "Was Patrick your favorite? Would you ever disown a kid of yours?"
Regina: "We don't own people."
Ali: "Seriously, what would it take for you to cut one of your kids off? What if one of your kids was going to sell a family heirloom to buy drugs? Hypothetically."
Regina: "Yeah, that would do it. Are you writing a story?"
Ali: "Kind of. Oh, and apropos of nothing, I'm certainly not pregnant. That's for sure not what was on the missing page of my autopsy report."
Spencer: "Okay, so I've solved the murder again!"
Dad: "Spencer, oh my God."
Spencer: "She went down to Georgia like the devil because she was in Hilton Head getting her grandmother to change the will. She came back in a great mood, rubbed it in Stoner Jason's face, and he murdered her. God, it feels so good every time I solve this murder."
Spencer: "So then okay why are you protecting Jason?"
Dad: "I'm protecting myself, duh."
Spencer: "Yeah, but why did you do it in the first place? Why break the law for them? What do they have on our family?"
Dad: "Bingo. And goodnight."