Aria has been up all night -- dressed like if the Hamburglar joined Bananarama -- because that picture of the somebody chasing Alison from That Night was totally taken from Alison's bedroom. So they send Spencer to speak to funny-talking/hot brother Jason DiLaurentis, who gets the photo tested but later admits he could have taken it. He was fucked up that night because that whole year he was doing drugs with Ian, whom btw he and all the other drug guys knew was boning Alison, which is gross on all levels. Spencer figures out at some point during the episode that it's actually herself in the picture -- because of that time she murdered Alison for warning her about Melissa finding out about Ian in a way that seemed like a threat -- but then they see Jason skulking around in Maya/Alison's bedroom and they all scream!
Hanna's stuff this week is amazing. Turns out that old lady is coming back to the bank early, which means Ashley is shitting herself, so A sends Hanna this awesome Mother's Day card and drawn on the front a comic balloon coming out of the mommy's mouth that says, "I NEED MONEY!" which I think just might be the greatest A message of the entire show, it's so fucking beautiful. Well done.
So the deal is that Hanna's supposed to get Ella to figure out her daughter is sleeping with Fitz, by sending her to this out-of-town museum opening that Ezra and Aria are attending as a real-life couple. After Spencer accidentally compares Hanna's A-rrangement to the annexation of Poland, she realizes you shouldn't give into bullies -- for real -- but when she tries to warn Aria off, girlfriend just bushies her eyebrows and calls Hanna a hater some more. All of which gets fixed later; the important thing is that both Aria and Ezra look hotter than the fucking sun on their date.
Thanks to secret helping by Caleb the Cyberwolf, Ella's car breaks down, and she ends up hitching a ride with Estranged Byron and then boning him in the museum parking lot! YES! The cagey way Mom acts and lies about this to Aria the next day just confuses the issue for everybody, but the point is: A was defied. That should turn out well. Oh, and then further irony: Mrs. Potter drops dead minutes before her appointment, so the whole Hanna/Aria throwdown thing was even more of a useless farce than it seemed. Which is nice, because I don't like it when Hanna is sad.
Feeling bad about her memories of killing Alison in the yard that time, or at least yelling at her and being photographed in the yard that time, Spencer spends the episode running around being like twice as Spencery as usual: When Emily gets menaced and gay-bullied by her competition on the swim team, Paige McCullers who wears Selma Blair's old haircut and a shitload of cardigans, Spencer calls a PE coach tribunal that causes Emily to nearly take her head off. Oh, and then Paige tries to drown Emily and it's awesome.
Also, they follow up on the maker of those bracelets they always wear and stare at all the time, and it is Mrs. Garrett rocking some short white hair and support for Geri Jewell's sexuality. She says A bought the bracelets under Spencer's name, so it's a dead end, but then in the creepy tag we find her making tea for A, remarking on her "interesting eyes," and Renfielding around about how she told Spencer the lie she was supposed to. Oooo!
Next week: Running around, screaming, Spencer finally makes an ally of Toby.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!
It's morning, and the Liars are movin' pretty slow. They're all at Spencer's house, even Aria, which is okay because Ian's in Philly. Aria's been awake all night, dressed insanely and running around and acting weird, because that's her thing: She started drinking black coffee and smoking cloves and wearing scarves in like the third grade. "One eye is bigger than the other," Hanna says adorably, "You look like a strung-out Power Puff Girl!"
And how come? Because Aria's seen too many episodes of like NCIS and JAG, whatever old-people shows she thinks mature young people are into, and has been enhancing the image they were sent last night, turning it this way and that, triangulating the angle from whence. The picture is of Allison in her yellow death top, being pursued through Spencer's yard -- Which is apparently next door to Allison's house? Even though Emily also lives next door to Allison's house? I think I am confused -- and from the angle it would seem the photo was taken from Ali's bedroom window.
So then it's randomly decided, in a get-this-story-underway fashion, that the picture was taken by Ali's brother Jason. And you know from the way they say it and the way the music goes that this is correct. Nursing memories of his weird behavior at the memorial, and still very cutely sleepy, none of the girls are really up to visiting him with the photo.
Except of course for Spencer, who is being very hardcore this week. Not just because she is Spencer, but also because -- spoiler alert -- it is she, in the photograph. She is the stalking shadow. Her reasons for not fessing about this are sort of complex, but essentially we learn in a flashback at the end that she put a death curse on Alison moments before the photo was taken, during their big interesting fight, and so she feels like maybe she caused Alison's murder, like via The Secret. So instead of telling them this, she just grabs her gun and many knives, and goes Jason-hunting.
Over at Hanna's house, Ashley's running through her agenda with her assistant, and then her whole face goes frozen and terrified: Seems old Mrs. Potter, unwitting donor of the Ashley Marin Ass-Covering Fund -- which was stolen by A and is now being handed out to Hanna one horrible deed at a time -- has moved her yearly bank visit up, about 50 weeks or so, and Ashley suddenly needs $50,000 she doesn't have. Hanna starts stressing -- for about five reasons at this point, because of the many, many ways the money has fucked up and continues to fuck up her life -- but Ashley's like one parental allele kicks in and she's like, "Little girls shouldn't worry about things like this. I will do something drastic or stupid, trust Mama."
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