Plus, you know, a house divided. Even though he's scum, he's no more scum than anybody else on this scummy show and it's still a little exciting to see the idea of the possibility of healing, whatever form it takes. You gotta root for at least Mike's life to turn out okay, you know what I mean?
Jason DiLaurentis, why are you sitting in Spencer's living room all alone? With your shirt on? What, did Ian hand over his Creeping duties while he's away? (Actually, kind of.) He tells her the PI confirmed the photo is real -- with science! -- and then admits, in his awesome way of speaking, that he may well have been the one to take that picture after all. But there's no way of knowing, because he was on permanent drugs throughout that August and remembers nothing at all.
Spencer's like, "You have a rich and detailed existence that I never once thought to inquire about, because we all just thought of you as Ali's strange brother. You're saying you exist even when I'm asleep?" He's like, "Well mostly I just was doing drugs all the time, including with Ian, your sister's ex-boyfriend and current husband. Man, that guy's a sleazeball." Spencer can't believe Ian -- coach, triathlete, Munsterfaced prep that he is -- would ever do drugs, and Jason goes, "Poster boy by day and party boy by night. Convincing though, isn't he?" Spencer's face is like, "Absolutely nothing about that motherfucker should be shocking me by now."
Things take a turn for the not-so-cute when things get metaphorical between Ella and Byron: Maybe the car is forever dead, after all, because quote "You can only repair things so many times before they break for good." Bodyslam! Then all of a sudden she notices that he's buying new shirts and working out and that he must be going to a date with a person -- rather than alone, like her -- and that makes her feel bad, but in an awesome way. He goes, "Ella..." and she says in this hilarious who-me way, "Wut?" He reminds her that she's the one that left, which you are not allowed to ever say as the cheater, so she calls a cab. (Still to Philly? Or just a nice hot bath? I'd say the latter, but you know this show likes to squeeze the Liars' balls more than anything.) He offers to drive her to Philly and she's like, "I wouldn't want you to miss your date with a real live person" and he's like, "Leave now and we can both make our respective dates -- with actual people or our lonely misery, depending.
"I can't believe Ian spent that whole summer at Alison's house. Watching Alison. I'm officially creeped out." Spencer is forcing Emily to eat pizza even though it's four-thirty, because get this: "This appointment is at five and it's far away, and I don't know how long we're gonna be there: We both know what happens to me when my blood sugar drops." Spencer is such a real person I feel like I know her, or am her; it's unnerving. So the appointment on the books is the bead-store lady who makes the bracelets out of her no-doubt creepy old-lady house.