Pretty Little Liars
If These Dolls Could Talk

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Shoppe Of Li'l Horrors

That's when the cops show up, bust in, and arrest Garrett for the murder of Alison DiLaurentis. And, of course, it's that exact moment that the Liars get stuck coming down the stairs with their many boxes of evidence, so Melissa gets to shoot eye-daggers directly into the eye of Spencer, even though it was Jenna and Toby that did the whole thing.

WHO SPEAKING OF

Is right this second back at her vanity, wiping off her lipstick for a crazy long time with her sunglasses off, and then -- quick as Pan! -- she spots a fly crawling around on the trim of the mirror, and smashes it with one mighty blow! Eyesight! Fake forgiveness! Framing Garrett! Lightning reflexes! Killer instinct! This girl has it all, you guys. They really got me this time.

While a version of "Them There Eyes" plays -- snerk -- she smiles and blows a kiss to herself in the mirror, and then stares creepily at us for about ten minutes.

My notes: holy sht

A-TAG

Martha cleans up the mess she made, down in the cellar of the doll hospital, and although she's annoyed about the charade she pulled, she's more than happy with the envelope of cash A hands her. And Seth's just happy for the huge lollipop. The show proper ends with him, holding his lollipop, staring right into your motherfucking soul.

FINALE

A masked ball! Countdown to midnight! A scary hotel! A backdoor pilot for the Brookhaven spinoff I just invented in my mind! A will be revealed! And most terrifying of all, somebody actually lets Hanna behind the wheel of a car, which can only end in more tragedy. When will these dudes learn?

JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Gossip Girl, The Good Wife, Pretty Little Liars and True Blood for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, most recently A Friday Night Lights Companion and Fringe Science.

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Pretty Little Liars

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