Pretty Little Liars
If These Dolls Could Talk

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Shoppe Of Li'l Horrors


Liars: "She's bluffing! Or telling the truth! Maybe it has to do with the Jenna Thing!"
Hanna: "I know it's her. I just know it. Let's trick her into sending us an A text to prove she is A."

Axiom #1: A is omnipresent and omniscient.
Axiom #2: The set therefore {A} of A includes all sets {-A} of those who are not A, perceptually speaking.
Axiom #3: Melissa's got five senses like everybody else on earth (with the apparent exception of A and possible exception of Seth).
Conclusion: Whatever Melissa sees or hears, then, by definition A will also see or hear it. Instantly.

Caleb: "Hanna, are you joking? Not only is your thesis ill-formed, but it makes me feel insanely dirty."
Hanna: "Time is precious, my friend. Get onboard with my fucked-up plan."

I'll just tell you the plan. It is to have Melissa catch Caleb and Mona making out, by seeming coincidence. Then she'll send a mean A text to all three of them about it, and they'll know Melissa is A. (Or they would, if Melissa's presence meant anything in that scenario.)


Aria: "Hey, Mom?"
Ella: "Oh my God. What. Did you call your dad's boss yet?"
Aria: "No. I wouldn't do that. I feel dumb."
Ella: "Well, we called off boarding school."
Aria: "So you do approve of Ezra! I knew it!"
Ella: "No, you halfwit. But I realized you're even more deluded than we thought, so it came back under the 'don't make her run away' thing that led me to hypnotize you with pipe dreams in the first place."
Aria: "I felt pushed. Into a corner."
Ella: "I don't care anymore, dude. You turned on your family. That's the new status quo. And listen. When I found out you were sleeping with your teacher, I was scared and angry and confused. But one thing I was not, is ashamed. Because that would do untold damage to your mind if I disrespected your sexuality in that way, as a parent. But going after your philandering, useless father? Now I am ashamed. And frankly, you hurt his feelings too."

Oh, well. If Byron Montgomery had his little feelings hurt, let's just call the whole fucking thing off. God forbid.


Melissa runs into a stationary store to get hundreds of thousands of more thank you notes, I'm talking like a thirty-pound box of stationary, and Mona and Caleb park outside. Emily, in a second car, watches from across the way. We're once again reminded what a good actress Janel Parrish is.

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Pretty Little Liars




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