SCHOOL

Hanna: "I can't go to cooking class to learn how to make Dongpo Rou with you. For I have so many visits of therapy."
Caleb: "Okay, just say dong po like a hundred times."
Hanna: "Done."

Aria: "My parents are still weird about the grown adult man I'm dating."
Spencer: "How weird."
Lucas: Slinks off as usual.
Aria: "He really went dark after that Masquerade Ball where we saw him talking to Jenna and the Black Swan."
Hanna: "Yet, Jenna's been gone all summer, looking at things with her special eyes, and he's still acting like Boo."
Aria: "And now he's shadily chatting up one of the million skinny brunettes at this school, all of whom could be the Black Swan."
Spencer: "That seems like an important plotpoint from the finale last season. Let's breeze past it and talk about lipgloss or something."
Hanna: "Or how Emily is probably off drinking in a gutter somewhere."

Emily: "No, I'm just been spooky and sad out in the Quad. Making my tummy face."

Aria goes to the bathroom with her horrible purse and gorgeous blowout, can't lock the stall door, and is immediately menaced by a hoodie. She screams for a while, and then there's nobody there, and then she goes fetal, and the others come running. Apparently Aria has panic attacks now. God, that's so Aria. Of course she does.

Hanna: "Well, it wasn't A. I heard from an unnamed source that she's still comatose."
Spencer: "Bitch crazy, Aria. You heard?"
Hanna, verbatim: "Don't worry, Aria. Someday we will all have jubilation."

It would be asking too much for Spencer and Aria to respect Hanna's newfound love of the English language with a straight face, so they crack up and then congratulate her on her vocabulary and it's so, so excellent. I hope this is an ongoing feature. Group hug.

HASTINGS

Spencer checks out the Black Swan thing online, somehow.

A Very Glamorous Veronica: "Homework. My busy little beaver, take the long weekend off. Not that it means anything to you or would stress you out, at least as far as I'm aware."
Spencer: "Don't you worry about me. Or Melissa either. Hastings Women are not affected by shit."

Spencer ignores the Unknown caller once again, and heads out.