FIELDS HOUSE

Emily is dressed to the nines, sitting in bed, watching the video of Jenna fucking her brother for the one millionth time, because... I have no idea why she's watching it, I guess to get us up to speed about how Ian knew that Jenna was molesting her brother and thus has her own interest in keeping Spencer and Toby apart, given that the Liars don't know she's dating Garrett and still don't trust her, or vice versa. Anyway, way to be creepy Em.

And then speaking of, this dude in jeans is just hanging out in her doorway, watching Emily watch the incest porn, and it's pretty damn scary.

Mrs. Fields: "Oh, this is the realtor that will be renting out our house when we move to Texas."
Mr. Mendez: "Sorry I caught you watching porn. Put away all your personal belongings, and then we're going to destroy all your memories one by one, okay?"
Emily: "Never threaten a lesbian's sentimental objets. That shit will get you murdered."

HASTINGS HOUSE

Melissa: Blah-blah-blah, my child molester murdering stalker husband impregnated me with a devil baby and then got murdered and then vanished, whine whine, all I ever did was try to drive my sister to suicide and possible act as an accomplice in the death of a child, blee-bloo-blee.

Veronica: "Melissa, I just want you to know that I love you a great deal more than your sister. Don't ever forget that."

Garrett: "We're still looking for your child-raping husband, okay?"
Spencer: "Hey, Melissa! You're looking well."
Melissa: "Shut up. I can't believe you led my husband up to that clock tower so he would murder you and then got saved by a ghost ninja. That is so goddamn typical."
Spencer: "Whatever. I am nearing the end of my rope tonight. Go for it."

Melissa: "Just stay away from my baby! I'm running away from town with my baby the second Ian comes back from the dead."
Spencer: "Look, I'm glad we're both unscathed from that car accident that happened in the middle of everything else, but listen to me: Your husband is fucking dead. It was the greatest night of my life. And I wouldn't touch your devil baby with gloves on."
Mom: "Spencer, stop teasing your sister about her dead molester husband and her devil baby."

Remember when Veronica had the cancer and it made her go get drunk at the country club and that one boyfriend of Spencer's took her home? The only time Spencer dated a guy that hadn't been previously dated by her sister-slash-lesbian BFF? (Do you miss Wren? I miss Wren.) Anyway, that was so amazing when that happened. Also the last time that cooking was fun on this show, rather than a grim harbinger of death.