Pretty Little Liars
It's Alive!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Tear Off Your Own Head

PREVIOUSLY

Hanna was dating werewolves and nerds, and then the nerds fell in love with the werewolves, and that's the kind of problems Hanna has. Then she beat up a blind girl. Her mom dated fake architects and evil cops, and established a gypsy camp for werewolves. Then Mona Vanderwaal involved herself, and everything went pear-shaped.

Ezra quit his job, the better to hold hands with children. Aria wrote poems about her sleazy dad, usually with feathers dangling from her shit, while Ella just went around being awesome all the time. The delightful Noel Kahn had a bit of a staring problem.

Spencer refused to let a little thing like creepiness/incest keep her from kissing the weird face of Toby Cavanaugh. Her sister is still presumably carrying a devil baby. The mysterious A saved Spencer from Ian, whose corpse ran away per Rosewood tradition.

Emily's maybe moving to Texas, which will undoubtedly send crazy old Paige 'round the bend for good. Maya, her previous girlfriend, was eaten by Christian wolves, and her home was purchased by Jason DiLaurentis, who will now be played by Sarah Chalke.

As for the mystery of Alison's death and the identity of A, nothing is certain except that Melissa and Ian may have been involved, Ian was stalking the young ladies of Rosewood going way back, and Jenna's been conducting a one-woman Liars Club investigation on all the clues, while dating that young cop guy Garrett. (You can tell him by how he looks exactly like every other guy on this show, but in a cop outfit.)

One thing we know for certain: Alison certainly will not be letting death keep her from being a total bitch.

MOMENTS LATER

Emily: "I am pretty sure Ian is a zombie. That's what the facts suggest."
Hanna: "Not even I am that ridiculous. And I date werewolves."
Jenna's Cop Boyfriend: "Time to go back to the station. We've already prepared your usual rooms."
Aria: "My parents and Ezra and Noel Kahn, though."
Jenna's Cop Boyfriend: "Everybody on this entire show will also be at the station, like usual."
Emily: "Of all the festivals that we hold in Rosewood every single day of the year, this has been the most freaky."
Hanna: "Don't jinx it. Nobody's run me over yet."

But where is Noel Kahn? This is important.

Spencer: "I thought we were going to the police station?"
Garrett: "No, you are going to be murdered execution-style in this warehouse."
Spencer: "I am not okay with that."

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Pretty Little Liars

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