Pretty Little Liars
It's Alive!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Tear Off Your Own Head

Soundtrack, and this is so true too: Girlfriends are like boyfriends, but they make you stare at the wall with tears rolling down your face even more than boys can sometimes. Hormones, puberty, teenage problems. It is a fucking nightmare on occasion. It gets better.

Spencer & Emily: Stare into space like they are awaiting death.


After the break, somebody's outside Spencer's hose so she locks all the doors and readies her weapons and goes running around the house breathing heavy and ready to kill a motherfucker. Biggest Santoku you ever saw, gleaming and making that schwing noise that knives always make in movies and TV but not reality. Caught in the kitchen, and but then guess who it is? Toby.

They run into each other's arms, having been kept apart this entire episode, and she cries and it's sort of a relief.


Anne locks up for the night, and things are creepy as she's walking to her car. Is she being followed? Yes. Is she going to have to activate her mutant cat powers? Maybe. Where is the person? They are gone. She gets in her cute therapist car, staring around, and pulls out some mace, and pulls away. Somebody in a hoodie watches her drive off.

A: "They make the Tory Burch Claudia in brown? I wonder if Hanna knows about this."


Leaving, Toby sternly tells Spencer to lock the door, and because she is in love she doesn't smack him like Fucking duh, which she would anybody else. Melissa's phone beeps in the couch where she left it when the cops brought it by at the beginning of the episode, and this is the text, from a blocked number:

Melissa, I'm sorry but it's not safe yet. I can't tell you.

Aw, dammit. Please don't be Ian. Be Wren, be somebody else, be anybody but Ian. No offense, he was cute and creepy and there's a lot to be explored about Hilton Head, but I'm so ready to move on. And for like one thing to stick: We saw him die. We never get to actually see anything on this show, but we saw that. At least I thought we did, although then A did immediately habeus his corpus. Hmm. I wish death on Ian even more than Spencer ever did. Plus, like, Melissa just got interesting.

Spence immediately sends a mass SOS text to the Liars, who variously sneak out despite getting grounded from each other five seconds ago, and they meet in this amazing greenhouse I feel like we probably recognize. Frankly, I feel like everything on the show should happen in this greenhouse, it's gorgeous. Mad texting occurs.

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Pretty Little Liars




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