Pretty Little Liars
It's Alive!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Tear Off Your Own Head

How do I know it's you?
Ask me anything.
What are we naming our baby?

They all gasp and Ian's alive and whatever. I don't know, though. Seems to me that anybody who knows Melissa might know the answer, because "we" doesn't necessarily include the person on the other end. Like when Melissa told Spencer, "We're naming it Taylor," she wasn't saying that it was Spencer's baby. So maybe it's possible it's not Ian still. But the whole "it's not safe" thing makes it seem like the story of him skipping town is true, which fits in another way?

I mean, we know the blackmail thing was a ruse to flush him out, and he knew that too, but that doesn't mean he can't retroactively pretend that's the case. Very intriguing, actually, when you consider this new wrinkle; still hoping we've moved on from Ian. God knows if Spencer makes one more frothy-faced rant about him I might start rooting for him instead. Although it might be nice to have our Murder Cooking segments back. He was so great in those.


A Tag: Realtor Mendez doesn't seem to find anything weird about the Invisible Man prowling around the Fields rental in black gloves and presumably a fencing mask, but I guess in Rosewood you can't blink.

Immediately Following: The series premiere of The Nine Lives Of Who The Hell Even Cares What's Going On With This Show, It's Got Grey Damon In It, You Win.

Dude is fully ludicrous.

Next Week: The grownups of Rosewood laughably believe that their daughters are taking them seriously suddenly; Therapy Anne continues to be ambiguously friendly while operating a black market shoe theft ring; Ezra ends his high school career by showing up in suspenders and American Apparel briefs; Lucas and Caleb are discovered living together in an abandoned wig shop; Melissa remarries the sexting, mouldering corpse of Ian in a ghoulish midnight ceremony; Emily and Toby throw Spencer a Las Vegas-themed birthday party she'll never forget; and Jenna and Garrett put their plan in motion to bring martial law to Rosewood. Meanwhile, Mona and Noel Kahn win Best Couple Ever and Rosewood ISD retires the concept of Prom Court forever, because what's the point after this year.

Missed you! Welcome back.

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Pretty Little Liars




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