Pretty Little Liars
It's Alive!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Tear Off Your Own Head

Toby: "Hey, everybody! Having a good morning? I'd love to talk to Spencer about how we all killed Alison and then we all killed Ian."
Dad: "Toby, now is not a good time. Go fuck your sister or something."

Emily: "Sorry, have we met?"
Toby: "Um, I don't think so."

Spencer: "It's totally appropriate that I throw a minor Capulet fit about this right now."
Liars: "We'll be upstairs, worried equally about the serial murderer in town and the fact that Spencer can't hang out with her boyfriend Boo Radley. Our sense of scale is for shit."

Actually, Marlene King said a funny thing recently about that, which is that yes, they are being stalked from beyond the grave, and every single male on the show is some kind of predator just like in real life, but that doesn't stop them from also worrying about lip gloss and designer fashions and whatever, because actually this is just their world. You know? Like, that's what they have to work with in terms of reality. They're not flipping back and forth between our universe and Rosewood, they live there all the time, so of course they are focused on both kinds of things. I don't know, it made a lot of sense.

CAMP PACKANACK* STAKEOUT

Garrett: "Why's Jason living in Maya's house now? And why is he being played by Sarah Chalke? Maybe he is looking for a secret thing."
Jenna: "Don't mention the secret thing. Creepy ellipses are my other main deal besides staring. Take that away and I'll just be the blind girl with the snowglobes that pulls out the woodwinds whenever it's time to be creepy."

We still haven't seen Jason 2.0, but I'm worried. I was quite fond of the old Jason, with his giant body and his cute badger face and the crazy, crazy way he talked. I don't know if I trust this new Jason. I mean, I'm glad to have Jason in the mix because what's more interesting than Alison's stoner brother who used to hang out with everybody that murdered her, and we'll wait until we see him, but I admit some trepidation.

*(After the original Friday The 13th killing spree, they closed Camp Crystal Lake and opened up Camp Packanack nearby, which is where Jason actually started killing people. We have to call Alison-Maya-Jason's house something, so there you go. Thank you for your time.)

SCHOOL CORRIDOR

Aria is dressed like an X-Men Pirate adventure, except for her '80s geometric midi-skirt and the usual insane earrings (porcupine quills and Navajo beadwork, natch). Her mother is dressed like a person, except for the giant purse which 100 percent of the time signals a lady with problems.

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Pretty Little Liars

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