Pretty Little Liars
It's Alive!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Tear Off Your Own Head

HASTINGS HOUSE

Melissa: Blah-blah-blah, my child molester murdering stalker husband impregnated me with a devil baby and then got murdered and then vanished, whine whine, all I ever did was try to drive my sister to suicide and possible act as an accomplice in the death of a child, blee-bloo-blee.

Veronica: "Melissa, I just want you to know that I love you a great deal more than your sister. Don't ever forget that."

Garrett: "We're still looking for your child-raping husband, okay?"
Spencer: "Hey, Melissa! You're looking well."
Melissa: "Shut up. I can't believe you led my husband up to that clock tower so he would murder you and then got saved by a ghost ninja. That is so goddamn typical."
Spencer: "Whatever. I am nearing the end of my rope tonight. Go for it."

Melissa: "Just stay away from my baby! I'm running away from town with my baby the second Ian comes back from the dead."
Spencer: "Look, I'm glad we're both unscathed from that car accident that happened in the middle of everything else, but listen to me: Your husband is fucking dead. It was the greatest night of my life. And I wouldn't touch your devil baby with gloves on."
Mom: "Spencer, stop teasing your sister about her dead molester husband and her devil baby."

Remember when Veronica had the cancer and it made her go get drunk at the country club and that one boyfriend of Spencer's took her home? The only time Spencer dated a guy that hadn't been previously dated by her sister-slash-lesbian BFF? (Do you miss Wren? I miss Wren.) Anyway, that was so amazing when that happened. Also the last time that cooking was fun on this show, rather than a grim harbinger of death.

THERAPY

Yay, Annabeth Gish! I've loved her since Mystic Pizza, where she was the Melissa Hastings (although her sister was more of a Hanna and less of a Spencer, she still totally Melissa'd her.) There's something serious and trustworthy about her that I've always loved. Anyway, she is the therapist. I wonder if she can do creepy. If she can't, Rosewood shan't be kind to her.

Hanna: "Sorry I'm late, I had to go shopping before therapy. Did you guys already leave me out of therapy?"
Liars & Anne: "Nope. Just awkward staring."
Hanna: "Aw, nuts. Ironically, I am the most resistant to therapy out of the four of us, yet the one most in need of it. I don't know if you've noticed, but even without getting constantly run over and stalked I still have 99 problems."
Liars & Anne: "Oh, we noticed."

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Pretty Little Liars

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