Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
He Bought Me A Soda

Ezra's humming "To Sir, With Love" as he packs up his shit and gets ready to leave this school he's been teaching at for half a year or so, and just when he's getting to the high part with all his bags packed, bidding a drippy and silent adieu to his nymphet in the hallway, who should be discovered hoarding stolen midterms but one Noel Kahn? That's right. A even sends an awesome gloating text: "A is for Alison, not Amateur." That was awesome! And thanks, A. Thanks so very much for keeping those two crazy kids together.

So now back at Spencer's, Aria's old pastime of defending Noel has become defending A, leading to a hilarious conversation among the Liars where Aria's all, "But A saved my relationship" and the rest of them are "AND RAN OVER HANNA" and she's like, "But my special snowflake love relationship" and they're like, "BITCH, SHE RAN OVER HANNA WITH A CAR" and it's so, so funny. Aria finally compromises that yes, she ran over Hanna, but only because Hanna had figured out that she was Noe... No, that doesn't work out. But for Aria it does, because of love.

Melissa comes in and Hanna crawls right up her ass about how men can't be trusted and marriage is a lie signed in blood and all this shit, and Melissa ignores her with a fair amount of grace considering how inappropriately she is acting out -- I guess used to the big lifelong fight with Spence -- all, "That's how my mom felt... Before my Dad met Isabelle," and whatever, and Melissa's like, "Ian never looks at other women. Only pubescent girls. So I clearly have nothing to worry about."

Emily arrives and the Liars hustle her upstairs, where they are keeping Maya, so they can do their lady-lovin' before Maya ships out, and it's super sweet -- very realistic enjoyment of this by the Liars, very sweet and believable reconciliation scene among a million candles upstairs -- and actually it's very romantic and more than a little hot.

Well, except for how downstairs the other Liars are listening to them do it while looking through Ian's old comic book collection. Or maybe that's just one of those things where this show is too real and I can't handle it. The realness.

Somebody watches through the window as Aria finds a copy of the newspaper the day Alison disappeared -- "Everyone kept that," Spencer sniffs -- and then refreshed and exhausted, the two ladies eventually come downstairs fully loved, and once Maya's gone and they've kissed and cried their little hearts out, Hanna tells a funny/scary story about how this is the same camp, True North, where Betsy Berger was sent "for huffing spray paint" and "came back as a drummer in a gospel band."

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Pretty Little Liars




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