Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
He Bought Me A Soda

Well, again besides Ella Montgomery, but I hear she'll be back on the show soon. So Hanna joins the ladies and Emily tries real hard -- "Looks like someone traded in her wheels for heels!" -- and of course Hanna corrects her -- "They're flats? But they are Ferragamos" -- and then Agent Cooper sighs about how she's going to miss that sweet, quaint Rosewood cuisine and coffee, since she's wrapped up the case against Toby and has no reason to stay... Unless they give her one.

The Liars keep mum until she's gone, and head to school. Spencer points out that Ian was fully fucking Allison and that he's a good reason for lovely Cooper to stay. But Aria goes to this Mavis place with it, all about how Cooper's not some small-town cop that's gonna arrest Spencer's brother-in-law just because Ali carved his name into a tree, which has since also vanished. And if you put it that way, sure, except Cooper would also be like, "And how come you guys are always getting run over and blackmailed and stuff? Let's just spitball a second."

So I guess it's been established that Noel led them to the tree, or absence of tree, or both? I admit I wasn't clear on the whole tree thing at any point, so maybe that's true. Or they're just saying Noel did that because he is A, in which case you're just trying to confuse me. They finally start wondering if A is actually trying to help them find the killer, because if so that's unique but also, if you put those two half-facts together: "How could Noel even know about Ian and Ali?" Because, as Aria points out, Noel is literally always around. And thank God for that.

Like right now, Noel and Mike are having a big old cute-off out in the courtyard, which can only spell trouble because even if he's neither A nor the Killa, he's still after Ezra and running Hanna over with cars and being sketchy. For some reason somebody, I think Emily, calls Spencer "Veronica Mars" in this really bitchy way that didn't make any sense, and then they decide that they have to go through all of Ian's stuff that's in Spencer house. Because when you murder somebody's best friend, you should gather all the evidence you can and transport it her home, to make revenge all the easier to obtain.

Emily's dad is officially gone -- maybe that's why she's being weird -- which means it's just Emily, Maya and Pam's Homophobia in the house these days. The Liars all coo and aww and whatever about their lesbian love affair, and it's squirmingly uncool but not in a gay way: That's just how teenagers are: Flesh-crawlingly into each other's sex lives. It Gets Better, y'all.

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Pretty Little Liars

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